Best Books of 2017.

I'm a little late in making this post BUT I still wanted to give it a go because I've read some incredible books this year, and I wanted to put in my recs for everyone. This is just what I've read this year, not ones only published this year. Some were, some have been published a while ago! It's that time of year where us book bloggers have to narrow down the best books we've read and try to (and fail) to calmly explain why we liked them!

Sooooo~

A CONJURING OF LIGHT - V.E Schwab

- Fantasy YA
- Last book of the main trilogy!
- Explosive!
- MAGICIANS
- Badass females who fight dirty and for what they want.
- Two words: Lila. Bard.
- Bisexual prince and captain who have so much sexual tension throughout the series.
- Apparently we're getting spin-off books!
- Alternate Londons!
- Amazing taunting characters who secretly love each other

A COURT OF WINGS AND RUIN - Sarah J. Maas

- Fantasy YA/Borderline Adult (I think)
- Again, last of it's trilogy
- But novellas to come next year!
- Writing style is basically a DREAM.
- Please read just for tiny, fierce Amren.
- Actual squad goals in this series - The Night Court cannot be beaten.
- Seasonal courts!
- Feyre becoming badass and having an amazing character ARC.
- *CONTAINS A LOT OF SMUT THROUGHOUT THE THREE BOOKS, YOU'VE BEEN WARNED*
- (Some) diversity; could definitely be better though.
- Stabbing hearts, tearing through flesh, SJM writes violence so well.

A QUIET KIND OF THUNDER - Sara Barnard

- Beautiful Contemporary YA.
- So soft
- Male MC is deaf; female MC suffers with anxiety
- Mental health at it's most raw
- Beautiful friendship
- Trying, trying, trying.
- Steffi is so inspirational, I love her.
- Shows relationships at it's most new and awkward point
- The author doesn't hold back in how real life is and that's why I adore her.

CARAVAL - Stephanie Garber

- First of it's series!
- THANK GOD LEGEND IS OUT NEXT YEAR.
- Beautiful writing. If you truly want escapism, read this book!
- THE NIGHT CIRCUS meets ALICE IN WONDERLAND (for me, anyway)
- Incredible, mysterious villain
- SO MANY PLOT TWISTS
- I have so much love for this book
- Sister bond, sisters looking out for each other (Well, one does, at least)
- MAGIC. MAGIC. MAGIC.
- High stakes, high tension, nicely-paced
- Every chapter has something new to fall in love with.

HISTORY IS ALL YOU LEFT ME - Adam Silvera

- Contemporary YA.
- Openly gay characters
- So much grieving
- All hope is lost before it's found
- If you want to cry and have your heart torn apart and stitched slowly back together, read this!
- Has flashbacks to the past and it's so soft and beautiful and awkwardly lovely at the same time.
- Hint of a love triangle?? I think?? I'm actually not too sure if it can be classed as that

HOLDING UP THE UNIVERSE - Jennifer Niven

- Contemporary YA
- Just like ALL THE BRIGHT PLACES, this book will tear out your heart.
- Inspiring, empowering, beautiful
- Chubby protagonist being the amazing person she is.
- Will not take no for an answer, dances like nobody's watching when everyone is.
- Misunderstood male protagonist
- Anxiety is fought
- Standing up for oneself (Female protagonist literally punches the male when he's being a d*** and he stands up for her too because he can admit he was disgustingly wrong)

MY HEART AND OTHER BLACK HOLES - Jasmine Warga

- This book saved my life
- Beautiful, inspires hope and determination to go on
- Suicidal theme
- About finding reasons to live when you want to die
- Jasmine Warga writes so literally but so amazingly
- Contemporary YA.
- So much pent-up anger and guilt and blame
- Inspired me so much

REBEL OF THE SANDS - Alwyn Hamilton

- Desert fantasy setting!
- Badass Amani
- GIRLS WITH GUNS - NO MORE IS NEEDED
- Incredible dynamic between characters
- Rebellion against royalty is my favourite trope
- Has a stunning sequel out now and the third book is out early 2018!
- Alllll the magic, of all sorts.

THE CROWN'S GAME - Evelyn Skye

- I like my fantasy books HEAPED with magic and this does not disappoint
- Rogue characters
- Alternate Russia!
- Soft Pasha
- Seriously, I love Pasha
- Tailoring magic!
- Vika is a beautiful person, please love her.
- Amazing secondary characters
- MAGIC COMPETITION, DEATH, VIOLENCE.
- Enemies-to-lovers, basically.
- IS A DUOLOGY, THE CROWN'S FATE IS ALREADY OUT!
- The ending is soul-destroying so you will want that next book.

THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR - Nicola Yoon

- Probably the best Contemporary YA I've ever read
- I read this eight months ago and I'm still not over it
- Diversity!
- So much!
- South Korean male protagonist who is super quirky and loves poetry; cynical, Jamaican female protagonist who is a realist I can get behind
- Clash of beliefs and passion
- Love experiements!
- All told on the ONE DAY.
- Perfect, beautiful writing
- Has so much cultural history in it!
- Chapters for side characters so we can actually understand who everything ties in together.

TOWER OF DAWN - Sarah J. Maas

- THRONE OF GLASS SERIES AS A WHOLE

- Unleashed magic

- Magic training

- Sassy, burdened, sacrificial protagonist

- Identity crisises

- SHAPE-SHIFTERS

- Fae

- Assassins

- Dark magic

- Pure magic

- Dorian Havilliard

- WITCHES.

WHEN DIMPLE MET RISHI - Sandhya Menon

- The soft, Indian romance you've been waiting for

- Cutest book EVER.

- Nerdy, quirky Dimple and soft, traditional Rishi!

- Indian culture!

- Summer camp setting

- Tech interest!

- Please read this book; it's a masterpiece.

WING JONES - Katherine Webber

- Another of my favourite debuts this year!
- Diversity!
- What you need.
- If you're feeling lost or a bit underappreciated, read this and know there's always something more inside of you
- Running females
- Track team
- Younger protagonist Wing is amazing
- Family angst
- Amazing Grandmas who literally rule.

All About Querying.

As I'm currently in a bad loop of building myself back up with my confidence with writing, I thought I'd write a post about the very thing that knocked me, that knocks a lot of other new, fearful, hopeful writers: querying. Those dreadful, daunting eight letters that strike fear into even the coldest of hearts in writers. We may kill our softest characters, play with readers' emotions, battle winds and ice through magic, and create literal worlds, but querying. Now, that's a DIFFERENT story.

So you write a draft. You perhaps send it to a beta-reader that you trust to see it in it's bad glory (that's how I prefer to process, anyway, so I can begin to compile an "Edit List"). You edit and edit; your voice gets hoarse from the many read-aloud sessions you do. But eventually you have a (hopefully) shiny draft which may not be as shiny as you want but it's still considered ready. Now the work starts, some would argue. Not only do you have to compose a delicate, informative but not overloading query letter, but you also have to go back to polishing some sample pages. And think again if you think you can use the same material for each agent. Nope. It has to be tailored; it has to be exact to them, even down to a simple thing of agents wanting to see a longer or shorter sample. Some even only want five pages--that is a challenge in itself. Whilst polishing, whilst writing that letter, whilst working out what your story is actually about in your synopsis, you then begin the thought process of, "But is this good enough?" "Is my story good enough to hook this amazing agent in only five pages?" You comb through your sample material, knowing you've read it seven times but you still find a "so" instead of "do" somewhere in there, or a silly spelling mistake.

Take it from my experience, in which I've actually queried agents whilst having seasonal continuity errors in my sample, and very detailed ones! Also sent whilst a line said "she crossed her eyes" instead of arms when there was major sexual tension building. That mistake just zapped the whole atmosphere, lemme tell you.

So you do all that. You get critique partners to read both your manuscript and sample material, right? If you don't have one, I suggest looking for one via a simple Google search for forums and websites. They're so, so helpful! You compose your query beautifully and attach or copy and paste into emails, as needed. You smile to yourself, breathe a sigh of relief as you click send. Think it's over? Nope. Now begins the horrid lapse of waiting. For me, this time includes second-guessing my work; it includes getting as far from that project as possible so I'm not tempted to scrap and rewrite the entire thing on empty doubts. Realistically, I know my story is good but is it enough for these people who may as well be gods to us lowly human writers for all the faith and need we put into them? Like, these people are the kick-starters to careers for becoming an author traditionally. We need them, and so the desperation to find the one that says, "Yes! I LOVE this! Can I see the full manuscript?" to then go on to accept your whole thing, is MASSIVE.

And after allllll that, all the mental strain and work and effort you've put in, you get a lovely rejection email. I'll admit I've never had a rude or blunt one. It's always been a nice message but at the end of the day, they're still turning down your work and that hurts. Comfort is somewhat found in the whole, "You just need to wait for the right one. You want one that feels so strongly for your story" but at the end of the day, you can't escape the "oh god, my story wasn't good enough for these ten agents, at least."

I'm in that part now. I'm querying via events like Pit Mad and SFFPit, and even those agents who were interested at the pitch stage don't want the full thing. I had an agent interested in my SFFPit pitch, so I queried them riding on hope and delight, but they didn't fall in love with it as much as they'd hoped. I'm disheartened because I wasn't told what was missing for them. It may be missing for others but I am so in love with this story myself that I can't see it clearly. I can't ask what was wrong. I have to graciously accept the rejection, and move on. But right now, I can't even look at that story. Every time I do, the story I have adored writing is crumbling around me, wondering why it wasn't good enough. I know it was just one agent but it's the why that gets me. I always want to know why it wasn't good enough, what I can do to improve it for my future querying tries. After that rejection, I got another one five minutes later and that was a massive double-hit to my confidence. I've pulled back on any projects for now, until I have the confidence to return maybe in the New Year. Most may argue this is bad behavior but I get disheartened easily; I've never been an open writer in the sense that I share a lot of things from the actual thing with people directly. I draw into myself. I can accept criticism, of course, but two rejections in such a short time, especially when one came from someone liking my pitch of their own accord, was hard and I can't write anything new or fix things just yet.

Querying is terrifying. Non-writers don't really seem to grasp how intense it is; how much we have to put in to give it to someone else to consider offering representation for it. So, here are some tips. I don't know what works with queries but this is just standard, because there are so many conflicting reports on what to include in queries:

• Always read their guidelines. Font size, type, and page size. Do they want it in the email of the body or as attachments? - This is so important. If they're attached when specified otherwise, some agents state that they go straight into the bin.
• If they don't have instructions, email them if you're unsure (I've done that! They're usually fine with inquiries like that). If they don't have font specifications, just assume it's 12 for size, and double-spaced. It looks easier to read that way.
• Read, read, and read over your sample again. Even your letter and synopsis need to be professional and without mistakes. Read it aloud to family or friends to see if it sounds intriguing enough, or if it sounds too wordy.
• Read again - note things like setting, the time it's set in, the season it starts in, the time progression of your sample.
• Sometimes it's hard to know whether your first chapters are good enough to hook. Just think: if you read this as a reader with a massive TBR pile, would you continue? If not, find out why and get fixing.
• Start with the hook in your query letter. That's the biggest advice I've ever had.
• Include some themes, and definitely the title, in an ending paragraph after the story has loosely been told. Usually, the word count goes in there too.
• Writing credits are only usually desired if they relate to your project. I've learnt the hard way that they don't care if I won some writing competition last year simply because it's not relevant to the story I'm telling.
• Don't say your book is the new Throne of Glass unless you're trying to pitch it on an event on Twitter, or elsewhere, and getting across the feel. But in a query letter, your story is your own.
• Thank them for their consideration. End the letter politely.
• Your synopsis is a simple (hah!) timeline of your story; that's it. It's just a bit more detailed, and some agents specify the length they want it to be, either one or two pages. I suggest looking on Writers' Digest for tips on a synopsis, or on Marissa Meyer's blog, where she wrote a good article about writing a synopsis!
• Cry, get chocolate, load yourself with coffee. Do whatever you need to do to get through this process, and good luck!

If you want to see me go through my own writing/querying journey about (Disney) Assassins (not Princesses, okay? That's the point of the story) follow me on Twitter: @ShaneDReid!

Diversity (Part One)

In YA, diversity is stepping into the spotlight, and it's wonderful. Instantly, books like WING JONES, THE SUN IS ALSO A STAR, A QUIET KIND OF THUNDER, SHADES OF MAGIC (series) come to mind, all for different reasons.

A lot of people think that diversity only means cultural, that inputting a random character of a different race makes their book diverse. (If you're going to have a POC, don't just put them in the background where they have one line or only show for two chapters just to say you have diversity in your book.) But it's not just having POC in their work. It's having LGBTQ (honestly there's so many letters on that phrase now so I'm sorry if I missed any out, please correct me) characters, it's exploring asexuality because there's barely any representation of that. For me, A QUIET KIND OF THUNDER, was the first contemporary YA where the two protagonists were diverse. Rhys was deaf; Steffie dealt with severe anxiety and was a selective mute. As someone who can identify with deafness and anxiety, that was important. It wasn't just a side character with these issues; they took the story in their hands and owned it.

As a reader, I've noticed that diversity is more embraced in contemporary YA in terms of same-sex couples. So reading Victoria Schwab's SHADES OF MAGIC series and seeing characters like Rhy and Alucard made me feel hope that a lot more fantasy writers will be inspired by that and embrace wider sexuality in their books. I think that a lot of people think that only diverse authors can write diverse stories, because they know first-hand. It helps, I'm sure, but with that logic, there would only be a lot of white characters and stories, which would get boring and ignorant. Not all books need to feature blond haired, blue-eyed females, and ripped, white males with over-described beautiful hair. Many more diverse authors themselves are being embraced in the author world--and not just culturally--and Twitter events like DVPIT get to bring that to light. For me, one of the best books I read this year was WHEN DIMPLE MET RISHI, written by Sandhya Menon, and I was asked why I wanted to read a book that was about Indian characters and their culture, when I'm from the UK and I'm white.

Here's the simple answer: because I'm not closed-minded, and I'm not ignorant when, embarrassingly, too many white people are. Because I want to see and learn about other cultures, and I want that to be embraced widely not only in fiction but in general. I got told that diversity should be earned, like it's not just a humane thing. But we live in this world that's so hell-bent on disliking anything different and it's such a destructive, hateful to live. So little by little, I like to think at least the world of YA can start inspiring a change in looking at the world and becoming equals, no matter what colour a person is or whether someone likes men or women, or whether they identify with one gender or another, or none at all.

Too many people are more focused on being closed-minded rather than appreciating the opportunities diversity brings. Some people would rather ignore a book because the main character is  a POC than think about the writing inside, than think about the amazing exposure this brings so many people that have been waiting for their chance to have characters they can relate to.

Where are all the books about shy teens discovering their sexuality in high school where everything is scary and awkward, needing help or support to lead the way by example? Sometimes fiction is self-help; sometimes it's a teacher that people seek out not just for enjoyment. Sometimes, it's a comfort when readers are scared and they need a book to help them, to advise when nobody else will. Even down to mental health, some new writers are scared to include it to the extent most mental health issues are, because too many people sneer at the imperfection of it, "why would you want to read things like that? Don't you want happy stories?" (What, so people with mental health issues can never feel a sliver of happiness? Okay, whatever.) Yet this should be embraced because it's human. Too many people mentally suffer to not have relatable characters in books, too many people are beautifully different to go without representation.

New NaNoWriMo Project, and Katherine Webber's Advice

A while ago, I kept posting updates on social media (and on here) about Camp NaNoWriMo. Welllll, that's back next month and I'm participating again. Bring on strain headaches and whirlwinds of progressing and aching from writing so much! No, honestly I love this. It's what I live for. So my November will be spent writing 50,000 words of a new project. Notably, my fifth manuscript drafted this year.

But before I can go ahead with that, I need to finish editing. Remember my Alice in Wonderland twist? That's FINALLY being edited. It's sort of ironic for me because this was the story I wrote for NaNo back in July, so I'm literally coming out of one lot of that, into another straight away. Hopefully, with no breaks. (Because taking breaks like that damages me more than constantly not taking breaks.) I'm just under halfway my first edits on MAD REBELLION and when the 18th of this month arrives, I'm going to start planning my new NaNo project. Then I'll dive right into drafting that.

Why put myself through so much stress? Because my brain doesn't like to turn off. It constantly throws up ideas at me and I have to sift through those and find which is bad and what can actually work in a developed story. This new project has been in mental planning for a while now (Dayna, my best brain-storming partner, I adore you) and I'm finally getting to extensively write it all down in my notebook to go ahead in November.

It's another twist, not on one story but rather eight. The concept is this: What if those shiny Disney girls we grew up with had their stories make them assassins rather than princesses? I'm taking that what if, taking the girls down to their origins again and put into a story set in Underground Paris. Each assassin has their own reason and past that drives them to kill diplomats, high-society ladies and lords and anyone they're sent to. But when their leader, Teiran, is kidnapped and hauled onto a ship, they must forget their own personal vengeance paths and help her. But in doing so, they become more than fellow assassins to each other and actual people with stories beyond their weapons.

--

As a reader, attending author talks/signings is enjoyable. As a writer as well, it's a source of advice straight from people who are in the industry I want to be established in. In January, I met Katherine Webber, author of WING JONES just after her debut. She's the only author I've ever got to talk personally to about my own writing. In the group, she talked about how NaNoWriMo was a massive factor for creating WING JONES, how she pushed on with this writing event. For me, this is incredible motivation to have. When I got talking to Katherine after getting my copy of her book signed, I explained how I was working on my own draft. She told me that any progress is progress, whether it's just 100 words a day or 1,000. It's still something. She told me how to manage interfering story ideas when I need to finish the one I'm writing. Her advice was invaluable to me and remains my most inspirational encounter. I'm a harsh writer on myself; if I want to write 2,500 words on one day, I'll do anything I can to reach that. If I don't, I make myself write more the next day. Unhealthy, maybe, but it works for me in terms of self determination.

In July, I drafted 50,000 words of MAD REBELLION and it was hard. I think I cried when I was finished but it was so exhilarating to know I'd actually just reached those lengths. I got a certificate for that achievement and it's stuck to my wall, above my desk where I write, to constantly remind myself that I'm a far better writer than I always think, that I can set large goals and reach them with the right steps prior to drafting. But those reminders from Katherine Webber always echo in my head, reminding me that even if the world is hard one day, there is always another day and they go on with so many chances to do more when I can.

I quit everything in life when it gets too hard but never writing. When writing becomes hard for me, I steel myself and hit back at my manuscript harder than before, determined to prove to myself that I can do it. That writing is something I can never quit because it's a massive passion that I thrive on.

The Names They Gave Us - (Spoiler) Review

Title: The Names They Gave Us

Author: Emery Lord

Rating: 4*

Summary: When Lucy's mother finds out her cancer has returned, Lucy finds herself volunteering as a counselor at Daybreak, a camp for young children facing some sort of trauma in their lives, as her mother's wish. Half-guilted, thinking it may be her mother's last request of her, Lucy leaves her church camp and finds more than just herself at Daybreak, but belonging and friendship and what love really is.

***

Lucy is seventeen, a pastor's daughter, and thinks her life is perfect. She has a long-term boyfriend and both parents who love her, and is becoming captain of the swim team. Being a pastor's daughter, a lot of the book involved God and Lucy's belief. Upon hearing about her mother suffering with cancer again, Lucy's belief starts to become hazy and slippery. As someone who lost their faith in a similar situation, I found it hard to read so much about when she believed. But then she begins to lose it and some horrible part of me related to that incredibly. However, being the girl she is, Lucy is surrounded by others who believes absolutely and tries to sort of feed off that when she realises how angry she is at God, who hasn't given her mother a break, who hasn't looked down on their family. Only her mother seems to realise her turmoil, how she can't use the church camp as an excuse to try and get her belief back from being surrounded by it. If anything, it seemed to make her angrier that she was.

When asked to go to Daybreak, the camp a mile away from Holyoke (the church camp she usually goes to with her family every summer), she's reluctant but warms to the idea only because she worries that it will be the last thing asked of her by her mother. That if she denies her this then she'll be a bad daughter or never get to fulfill a request from her mother again. So she goes, under mostly unexplained circumstances from her parents as to why that camp. At first, Lucy figures it's because its so close to Holyoke and she can find solace there, dealing with her mother's diagnosis. But as she spends more and more time at Daybreak, Lucy uncovers a lot more than who she is. She uncovers who her mother is, or, rather, who her mother once was as a teenager who'd been in foster care.

At first, I was unfair to this book. Not even halfway through, I thought it repetitive and that was ghastly unfair of me as a reader (as well as a writer who thinks this many times of their own book). I'd just finished reading another book that featured a summer camp. Where that author passed her novel's time through the development of a relationship and focused on the romance aspect heavily, Emery Lord passed hers by days because it was important to the reader to know, by those days, what was happening. Quickly, I realised that I needed to respect the way it was done and soon found myself enjoying it that way because it gave more insight to Lucy's relationship with her parents, only seeing them once a week over the summer (those important Sundays that had to be specified), and it gave development to how long it took Lucy to relax at Daybreak and for the kids there to open up to her as their counselor.

At Daybreak, Lucy becomes surrounded by important people: Keely, Mohann, Anna and Henry. Each has their own story and reason as to why they're a part of the camp. Emery Lord brings so many feelings in relation to both the counselors, who've suffered for most of their lives, as well as helping the younger campers. Through their stories and past, Lucy learns that it's okay to be upset and that she can talk about how she feels and what her mother is dealing with, along with the rest of the family. Just before Daybreak, Lucy's boyfriend paused her and halfway through the book, after Lucy begins to realise what true affection for someone is, what truly having a crush on someone feels like, she completely breaks up (mutually) with Lukas. The quick shift in her love interest worked because of how utterly pliant and agreeing Lukas was with everything, agreeing with things, having very specific rules for his own life, and pausing with Lucy because he didn't know what to do with her, a girl whose mother was suffering with cancer.

With Henry, it's different. In him, Lucy finds true feelings and what it's like to share sadness but also unimaginable, immense happiness, even amidst the trauma of the occupants of Daybreak. In him, Lucy finds that people can live and get through sadness that seems like it can never get better. In him, Lucy realises that despite losing family, there is still hope and there is still everyone else, each a piece of life to help get through the harder times. The shift of this on the pages is beautiful and so freeing to read. It's so real and demands admiration for this break Lucy finally seems to get away from her pain.

Tara, a fourteen-year-old girl at camp, is pregnant. When she sees Lucy's mother (a nurse) when she begins experiencing pain, Lucy has already been advised not to judge her. When Tara leaves with Lucy, she says, "She told me about the birth and everything." This is taken as her mother reassuring a scared girl, telling her beforehand what giving birth may feel like. But then, when Lucy is pulled away from a camp leader, Bryan, and told that her mother's been taken to hospital, she finds pictures in his cabin. She finds out that her mum had a past she was not ready to share, bringing anger to Lucy's pain as well, towards her parents for lying to her. Her mum had been the pregnant teenager everyone whispered about from years before. It had been Bryan's, who hadn't made himself come out of the background much until now. They'd decided to put the baby girl up for adoption.

When she finally gets to hospital, she confronts her parents and quickly makes peace with them over the concealed past. Lucy finds all her camp friends waiting outside, too. They've come to support her in this horrible, dark time. Lucy's father, so usually calm and collected, goes out to his car when her mother is taken to another unit for her health and rages. Lucy watches in secret as he mouths swear words and falls apart in his own space, not wanting her to see him like that. It's never specified whether Lucy's mother dies but I think she does.

The Names They Gave Us ends with a reflection chapter, which is something I love seeing, assessing love and who can be there even when they're not. Overall, it's a wholesome, inspirational book that gives comfort and safety when the grip on those feelings slip. It's about belonging and finding yourself and what's best for you, and was a beautiful read throughout. Emery Lord brings an array of colour and feelings to her book. After enjoying When We Collided, reading this was entirely different. This book seemed to be about breaking constraints that were always unquestionable. It's anguish and love and belief all coming together in a beautiful, heart-achingly good story.

Everything Everything - (Spoiler) Film Review

Based on the book EVERYTHING EVERYTHING by Nicola Yoon, Stella Meghie directs a beautiful film to tell the beautiful story that had already caught my heart in paper form. Supposedly released in the UK on the 19th May, I finally had the exciting experience of watching it last week and was literally jumping in my seat because I'd waited so long to see it. I'd read the book in 2015, fallen in love completely, been moved by Nicola Yoon's debut, and followed all the production of the film over 2016, the interest coming from being an ex film student.

Set in Los Angeles, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING tells the story of Maddy, a girl who's been sick all her life and has never left her home since being diagnosed with SCID (Severe Combined Immune Deficiency). The film opens with Maddy's voice-over, telling the audience why she likes a certain room in her house. The room is open, decorated with outdoor pictures, with floor-to-ceiling glass windows. She likes it because it makes her feel like she's outside. Playing the part of Maddy, Amandla Stenberg gives a convincing and innocent performance of a girl who's been trapped and, bit by bit, discovers what freedom is when she meets Olly, the boy next door.

Honestly, Nick Robinson, for me, was an unsure choice for Olly. For one, I found it strange how much his shaved head is made a thing of in the book, yet in the film, Olly has long hair. It worked though. I loved the slight differences I could spot from the two versions. I hadn't seen Nick Robinson in a role like this to imagine how he would play the part. He has played awkward characters in previous things and I felt like book-Olly was easy-going. But he brought a slightly different (and charmingly awkward at times) Olly to the screen, one that I enjoyed watching. The film gave a more insistent side to him, which I loved to see.

There are scenes in this film, between Olly and Maddy, where they talk before they meet. He writes messages on large boards for her to read, making her smile. He writes out his number on his window from which they begin proper communication. This brings a charming aspect of reality-to-imagination for the two, where they meet in their head, in Maddy's diner that she's building with the help of an online architecture class. Everything they exchange over text is conversed in their imagination, face-to-face. "Ellipses," Maddy says often, when she's thinking or doesn't want to respond to something. These parts had me grinning in my seat, adoring what I was watching and seeing the relationship start to unfold.

Because of her condition, everything has to be sterilized for Maddy. There's an air suction room from the front door, to take any outside air away when someone enters the house. Carla, sweet and humorous at times, played by Ana de la Reguera, is Maddy's nurse, who works alongside her Mum, whose profession is a doctor. Pauline is performed with excellent talent by Anika Noni Rose. Maddy's mum is riddled with concern for her daughter, engaging the audience with the fact that Maddy truly is sick, believable because she's a medical professional. She's a serious woman who tries to be lighter, more fun, for her daughter but struggles being the mum Maddy needs following the death of her husband and son. Maddy's condition ensures she has clothes specially washed and all in plain, white material. Perhaps it was that aspect that caused it but the film had a pure feel to it that made it all the more believable. So when Maddy finally learns that she can be free, it was more of a shock (even when I was expecting it to happen) when she packs new clothes (once discovering how easy a credit card is to obtain for online shopping) and leaves to go to Hawaii with Olly.

It's when they leave that really gripped me. This is where the commendations really go to the cinematographer, Ludwig Goransson, because not only did they film in a beautiful place but everything was so incredibly portrayed against the amazing beach setting. In the car, going to their hotel, Maddy finally sees the ocean for the first time and she's so enthralled by it, and that's the film's moment. She's always wanted to see the ocean and she's waited eighteen years to do so, beyond looking at photographs. Maddy has gripped her freedom with both hands, risked her life for it, and now she's finally where she wants and feels she needs to be.

In Hawaii, Maddy finds physical love, honest love, herself and a life. She finds happiness and peace, miles and miles away from her fancy cage that kept her healthy. Yet she went to Hawaii and you end up watching, waiting for something to happen. You want to believe the beauty and the free sense of it but you know something is going to shatter that perfect image. And it does: Maddy collapses one morning and is rushed to hospital, her illness catching up. After this incident, she's sent back to the empty home she can't face anymore now that she knows what it's like to be outside. Carla has been fired due to her part in helping Maddy and Olly meet, against Pauline's wishes. Thinking that there's no future for them, Maddy and Olly have a scene--again, via texting but together in their minds--where she desperately explains why they can't pursue anything, that she can't leave the house. Olly tries to talk to her further but she keeps on saying, "Ellipses," until she fades away from him, ending their contact. She deletes any emails he sends--including one important one, saying that he's moving away again, which Maddy watches the process of out of the window.

But then Maddy gets an email from the doctor who saw to her in Hawaii: she doesn't have SCID. She collapsed due to a viral infection. She does have a very weak immune system but not to the extent that her mother has let her believe. Amandla turns Maddy from a pliant, innocent girl to an emotional one when the truth comes crashing down on her, guiding an audience to sympathise with the lie she's been told all her life. Maddy raids her mum's office, looking for her files on SCID but when she finds nothing, she confronts her mum and the truth comes out: she'd been afraid to lose Maddy after the death of her husband and son, so she used one bout of sickness years ago to build on it, to keep her close. Too close. Her emotion turns to sheer anger as Maddy leaves the house properly and finds her nurse who was her closest friend.

On a risk, she texts Olly, telling him to meet her at Ye Olde Book Shoppe, where she explains everything to a bewildered Olly, who opens his heart to her again now that they can both see a future together. The film ends with them walking on a busy New York street, smiling and laughing together, a beautiful shot to explain what lies ahead for them: hope, happiness, love.

In conclusion, EVERYTHING EVERYTHING is a five-star, pure, stunning film that addresses a completely different, intriguing concept, with each actor bringing their own individuality to the screen where a production crew has worked incredibly hard to make it the awing visual it is.

EVERYTHING AROUND US - In Progress.

“Is it not just nice to imagine? To collect thoughts and versions of what the world could be like and use that as fuel to create?”

            “Create what?” I asked, my voice rising harshly. “Unhappiness because those ideals will never happen?”

***

Contrary to the snippet above from my current WIP, I'm a massive believer in imagining other versions of myself. Is it weird to be able to pin-point the exact moment your life kind of went downhill? I can, and it was weird. It was something I couldn't adjust to and have fallen prey to. So I planned to write a book, out of my comfort zone, to deal with it. I knew I wanted it to have truthful situations I knew I'd be able to realistically write about. But it was going to be another version of me. I wanted to write a boy suffering with anxiety and relying on something creative. I wanted to use my knowledge of film-making which has just been tumbling round in my head since I left college last year.

I left it as a really weak idea for months before I even named my male protagonist. But in December, I watched an episode of The Vampire Diaries and listened to Concrete Angel and suddenly, I saw this boy in my head, and the song became something to me. The lyrics turned into thoughts and I  viewed how he saw a girl that he wanted to befriend. He wanted to reach her but they both had their own boundaries, and the girl had a good reason to put up her walls.

Hazel came to me in tiny bits. Her trademark ballcap fashion came first, slightly inspired from a friend I used to have. Her attitude came from another song (Cider by Yezi), and I went from there to build an image of the girl who'd oppose Nicholas and tell her own story.

EVERYTHING AROUND US follows both their POVs, to see their struggles and the different people they find in a small film club. In total, there are only five people (including them), largely underestimated by the leader of the group who missed his shot at being on a lighting team in Hollywood. So they only end up making one short film. This story is about inspiring each of the five to look beyond the ugliness they see in their worlds and find beauty, and to capture it.

Hazel finds it hardest to adjust. Taken from another friend, I made her restless. I made her a free spirit who found it hard to sit still or stay in one place, to go where her feet took her when she wanted. But she finds her place there eventually, as each of the others do. They find that they have a place, that they're needed to make something bigger, which is what they've always missed.

The club coaxes Nicholas to deal with his anxiety rather than just sit and waste away in his room, pondering over a fulfilled past. Anxiety is something I've not dealt well this past year and I've used that in Nicholas to see how he handles it, to see the support he gets and what he does from that. Hazel comes from a family that has slowly broken down because of something she did three years prior to the start of the story, and her side is fun and free to explore. The other three all add so much life and exploration to the story: Stuart, who can't decide on how he wants to look and relies on the opinions of others to guide him because of his own past; Hank who hates his name and switches from being called Dean or Alex depending on his days, who has a lot of parental pressure to be academically clever when he just wants to explore; Ailee, a girl who wants to fly and make art but got rejected from her dream school and finds the club as another creative avenue.

This story is in the drafting process and incredibly close to me. I'm taking situations I know or have seen and making them into something I can work through and find answers to. Through it, I'm finding old passions again and showing that I'm a lot more than just a person who sits at their desk and writes and that's all. I've lived and explored and whilst that may not be the case so much now, I will again because if I can write it, I'll believe it and become inspired by it.