What is Christmas Worth? (A Christmas Short).

Alex woke to a blur of colour, flashing lights, and something scratchy on his face. For a second, he stared outward, letting his eyes adjust. He remained lying down, letting the cold seep into his skin where his pyjama top had ridden up in sleep.

And then it came.

Squealing and shouting, light bickering downstairs already, the sound of greetings. He closed his eyes, taking it all in, and smiled to himself. Then his eyes flew open, registering the difference in his room.

The lights, the scratchiness—turning out to be tinsel, he found, as he sat upright—hadn’t been there yesterday evening when he’d left the house. His bedroom flew open and a young girl with red bows already in her long black hair, dressed in a pale blue nightgown, darted in.

“Alex!” she cried, rushing around his room before he reached out to stop her, grinning. “Do you like it?”

By it, he knew she meant the decoration. He’d been out late visiting friends the night before and his habit of stumbling to his bed in the dark had long set. He hadn’t noticed it then. But now… The little decorated fibre-optic tree—the baubles and tinsel pink—with an angel at the top; the fairy lights running the perimeter of his ceiling; the extra garlands of tinsel draped over every surface she had found.

Sliding out of bed, Alex leaned down and scooped his sister, Rose, in his arms. At only the age of five, she still possessed the magic of Christmas. She still had years yet until all of it died out. For now, that fire of belief blazed brightly. For now, she maintained her part of the Tesley Christmas routine.

“Are Mum and Dad arguing again?” he asked her, sighing dramatically, emphasising his words. “Again?”

Eyes downcast, Rose nodded. She didn’t know it wasn’t a real argument; it had no fire or anger behind it. His parents had come from very different Christmas traditions and despite spending many together now, they still hadn’t found harmony. Rose didn’t know it was only over whether the dinner should be prepped now, or if presents for three children was the first priority.

Alex set Rose down, patting her shoulder. “Go cheer them up, okay? I think everyone could do with a bit of your joy.”

She grinned up at him, one of her teeth missing. She hadn’t put it under her pillow yet; she hadn’t wanted to overshadow Santa by inviting the Tooth Fairy. Her tooth was in a jar, safely waiting for the festive season to be over, before she slipped it beneath her pillow. Watching her bound down the stairs, Alex smiled at the heaps of joy and happiness still living in his little sister. Once her squeals entered the kitchen and he heard the bicker break off, Alex turned towards his other sister.

Triss stood in her own doorway, a bemused smile on her face. “I helped her decorate my room, Al. I helped her. Have you seen it? My room looks like Santa’s goddamn grotto.”

“That’s love, Triss. She loves you the most,” Alex couldn’t help but answer with a smile.

“Oh, really? She spent the entire time talking about all her new ideas for your room.”

Plucking a line of pink tinsel from the inside of his shirt, Alex grimaced. “Maybe I get some extra big brother love.”

Triss laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him down to the calls of Rose. She screamed about Santa, and look, Triss! He came for you even though you’re old!

Alex nudged Triss, laughing. “Old,” he said.

“Shut up,” she countered, shoving him into the kitchen whilst she sauntered into the living room. Indeed, when he poked his head to see, a pile of presents for Rose, the little girl sat right in the middle of the mound with a grin on her face.

And because he was nineteen and could ask these sorts of things, he looked to his mum—already in her work uniform—and said, “Seriously?”

A blush spread over her cheeks as she shifted under his question. “Santa needed to come through this year.”

Then a curse cut through the kitchen and Alex looked at his dad, already in a three-piece suit, as he always attempted to maintain on Christmas Day. The suit never lasted more than an hour.

This was the Tesley Christmas, as Alex had known it for the past few years: his dad, always spilling coffee on his tie, complaining about changing, but always coming down in the pyjamas Rose left for him on the bed. The crafty little girl had caught on, waited for the bickering to start, and then snuck into their parents’ room to provide a change of clothes. His mum, working early, coming home mid-afternoon, and falling into the pace of the day like she hadn’t missed all the present-opening. Triss, always on her phone to wish her many friends and followers a Merry Christmas. Alex himself, who fretted over Christmas and what he’d bought for his sisters, comparing the gifts he’d bought to everyone else’s. And then Rose, the most unburdened of them all. All she ever complained about was ripping wrapping paper even when their dad encouraged her to tear it all off. That was part of the excitement.

Still, Alex knew things had been different this year. His mum hadn’t had her usual full-time hours; his dad had picked up overtime far beyond humane levels, so the presents not only for Rose but set out for Alex and Triss was a wonder.

A stab of guilt hit him, unbidden and recurring each year.

“Alex,” his mum said, a warning in her voice. “Don’t.”

Don’t worry over money? Now that he was old enough to be more aware? Don’t feel guilty? Don’t feel bad for not being able to give better gifts because he earned a low wage? Don’t, don’t, don’t.

A hand on his shoulder cut his thoughts off. The smell of coffee and cologne swirled together as Alex looked up at his dad. They resembled each other the most, and he found comfort in that, somehow.

“Let’s go see what monstrosities Rose got me to wear this year, shall we?” His dad said, ever the lifeline. His dad, always there to diffuse his mum’s worry-brain, the only thing Alex had inherited from her. Before his dad pulled him from the kitchen, he turned to his mum.

“What time are you leaving?”

Her own brand of guilt flashed across her face. “I’ve set aside particular gifts each for you all to open that I want to see,” she said. “Then I’ll leave.”

Alex looked over her uniform, hating that she couldn’t decline a Christmas Day shift. Yet after the money vacuum Christmas was, she would need all the pay she could get. Alex hated this part of Christmas: the part that came with each year of growing up. Each year giving him more awareness of the behind-the-scenes of Christmas Day.

Still, one look at his sister’s joyful face, that dark cloud broke. He couldn’t help but be brought into her happy orbit.

His dad pulled him along. “So do we think it’s pale blue fluffy pyjamas again, with little clouds on, or do you think she’s gone for a more considerate approach of plaid patterns?”

   

“It’s Rose,” Alex scoffed, “Of course they’re pale blue and fluffy.”

*

In the end, Rose’s three presents set out was a massive unicorn stuffed toy, a Minnie Mouse mirror-and-table set, and a new hairstyling doll.

Triss opened a new planner with so many sections she spent ten minutes going through it all, money for driving lessons, and a new scarf.

And Alex’s was—

He tore off the wrapping paper, stared down at the gift in his lap before looking at his mum. He knew time was tight and she had to go as soon as possible but he couldn’t tell himself to stop. His fingers were numb, holding the piece of paper. Tears shined in his mum’s eyes as his dad looked on with pride.

Alex’s chest tightened as he considered the gift. And then couldn’t help the tears falling down his face.

“What…” he whispered, unable to speak clearly.

“What is it?” Rose called impatiently. She had more presents to open; what was the delay? Clambering over Triss’s lap to reach his side, Rose peered down and audibly tried to read the boldest word.

But Alex knew everything it said—and everything it meant.

“You’ve been talking about it for so long,” his mum said, her voice soft with emotion. “And you’ve been working so hard at your job. We thought we’d help you along.”

In his hands, he held a plane ticket to China. He’d wanted to complete a year at a top culinary school over there next year but even with the funds from his job, he hadn’t been able to afford the travel. And now…

Alex couldn’t breathe evenly enough as he stumbled over to his parents and collapsed into his mum’s arms. After a second, he felt his dad come around to hug him tightly.

“Thank you,” he whispered into his mum’s shoulder. “Thank you both.”

And although that wave of guilt tried to overtake him, he shoved it back. This wasn’t a gift to feel guilty over—this was a gift to be endlessly grateful for. Alex thought of all the nights Rose had spent crying in his room, asking for her dad to read her a bedtime story but he’d been working. He thought of the days he’d seen his mum bit her nails right down when she was declined shift after shift request. And then they’d stuck her with Christmas Day, of all days.

Alex sobbed harder, holding his parents tighter. He wouldn’t have to forfeit anymore. He could progress, better himself, he could—

“What else did you get?” Rose asked, looking around. She still had more presents, as did Triss, but that small piece of paper that meant more than it’s size was all that was in Alex’s corner. And he couldn’t care less.

“I have more than enough,” Alex said softly.

“But Santa didn’t get you more things!” Rose cried, looking up sadly. So Alex sat next to her, showing her the plane ticket.

“See this? This is worth everything to me. This is all I wanted to open, Rose. Santa knew I didn’t need lots of presents this year, only this one.” He caught his dad’s fond expression as he watched them both. Rose, with her wide, imploring eyes; Alex, unable to properly convey what this meant to him.

“Why does Santa want to send you away?” Rose asked, pouting.

Alex pulled her to his side, hugging her tightly. “Because he knows you love me enough to be right here in your heart and mind.”

Whether his little sister understood, he didn’t care. He wanted to teach her that it wasn’t always the amount of presents visually but rather the thought and quality behind them. One plane ticket could be worth more than ten of Rose’s gifts.

He looked around his family, wanting a better New Year for them all. Triss, about to embark on her Master’s degree; Rose, conquering her class and proving she, too, had her dad and elder sister’s academia even at a young age; his mum, finding a new job with better hours; his dad finally realising that love was worth more than money earned.

And Alex… He could go to China, get the education he wanted, and know that when he returned, his family would be waiting.