Alex woke to a blur of
colour, flashing lights, and something scratchy on his face. For a second, he
stared outward, letting his eyes adjust. He remained lying down, letting the
cold seep into his skin where his pyjama top had ridden up in sleep.
And then it came.
Squealing and shouting, light bickering downstairs
already, the sound of greetings. He closed his eyes, taking it all in, and smiled
to himself. Then his eyes flew open, registering the difference in his room.
The lights, the scratchiness—turning out to be tinsel, he
found, as he sat upright—hadn’t been there yesterday evening when he’d left the
house. His bedroom flew open and a young girl with red bows already in her long
black hair, dressed in a pale blue nightgown, darted in.
“Alex!” she cried, rushing around his room before he
reached out to stop her, grinning. “Do you like it?”
By it, he knew
she meant the decoration. He’d been out late visiting friends the night before
and his habit of stumbling to his bed in the dark had long set. He hadn’t noticed
it then. But now… The little decorated fibre-optic tree—the baubles and tinsel
pink—with an angel at the top; the fairy lights running the perimeter of his
ceiling; the extra garlands of tinsel draped over every surface she had found.
Sliding out of bed, Alex leaned down and scooped his sister,
Rose, in his arms. At only the age of five, she still possessed the magic of
Christmas. She still had years yet until all of it died out. For now, that fire
of belief blazed brightly. For now, she maintained her part of the Tesley Christmas
routine.
“Are Mum and Dad arguing again?” he asked her, sighing dramatically,
emphasising his words. “Again?”
Eyes downcast, Rose nodded. She didn’t know it wasn’t a
real argument; it had no fire or anger behind it. His parents had come from very
different Christmas traditions and despite spending many together now, they
still hadn’t found harmony. Rose didn’t know it was only over whether the
dinner should be prepped now, or if presents for three children was the first
priority.
Alex set Rose down, patting her shoulder. “Go cheer them
up, okay? I think everyone could do with a bit of your joy.”
She grinned up at him, one of her teeth missing. She hadn’t
put it under her pillow yet; she hadn’t wanted to overshadow Santa by inviting
the Tooth Fairy. Her tooth was in a jar, safely waiting for the festive season
to be over, before she slipped it beneath her pillow. Watching her bound down
the stairs, Alex smiled at the heaps of joy and happiness still living in his
little sister. Once her squeals entered the kitchen and he heard the bicker
break off, Alex turned towards his other sister.
Triss stood in her own doorway, a bemused smile on her
face. “I helped her decorate my room, Al. I helped
her. Have you seen it? My room looks like Santa’s goddamn grotto.”
“That’s love, Triss. She loves you the most,” Alex couldn’t
help but answer with a smile.
“Oh, really? She spent the entire time talking about all
her new ideas for your room.”
Plucking a line of pink tinsel from the inside of his shirt,
Alex grimaced. “Maybe I get some extra big brother love.”
Triss laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around his
shoulders, pulling him down to the calls of Rose. She screamed about Santa, and
look, Triss! He came for you even though
you’re old!
Alex nudged Triss, laughing. “Old,” he said.
“Shut up,” she countered, shoving him into the kitchen
whilst she sauntered into the living room. Indeed, when he poked his head to
see, a pile of presents for Rose, the little girl sat right in the middle of
the mound with a grin on her face.
And because he was nineteen and could ask these sorts of
things, he looked to his mum—already in her work uniform—and said, “Seriously?”
A blush spread over her cheeks as she shifted under his
question. “Santa needed to come through this year.”
Then a curse cut through the kitchen and Alex looked at
his dad, already in a three-piece suit, as he always attempted to maintain on
Christmas Day. The suit never lasted more than an hour.
This was the Tesley Christmas, as Alex had known it for
the past few years: his dad, always spilling coffee on his tie, complaining
about changing, but always coming down in the pyjamas Rose left for him on the
bed. The crafty little girl had caught on, waited for the bickering to start,
and then snuck into their parents’ room to provide a change of clothes. His mum,
working early, coming home mid-afternoon, and falling into the pace of the day
like she hadn’t missed all the present-opening. Triss, always on her phone to
wish her many friends and followers a Merry Christmas. Alex himself, who
fretted over Christmas and what he’d bought for his sisters, comparing the
gifts he’d bought to everyone else’s. And then Rose, the most unburdened of
them all. All she ever complained about was ripping wrapping paper even when their
dad encouraged her to tear it all off. That was part of the excitement.
Still, Alex knew things had been different this year. His
mum hadn’t had her usual full-time hours; his dad had picked up overtime far
beyond humane levels, so the presents not only for Rose but set out for Alex
and Triss was a wonder.
A stab of guilt hit him, unbidden and recurring each year.
“Alex,” his mum said, a warning in her voice. “Don’t.”
Don’t worry over money? Now that he was old enough to be
more aware? Don’t feel guilty? Don’t feel bad for not being able to give better
gifts because he earned a low wage? Don’t, don’t, don’t.
A hand on his shoulder cut his thoughts off. The smell of
coffee and cologne swirled together as Alex looked up at his dad. They
resembled each other the most, and he found comfort in that, somehow.
“Let’s go see what monstrosities Rose got me to wear this
year, shall we?” His dad said, ever the lifeline. His dad, always there to
diffuse his mum’s worry-brain, the only thing Alex had inherited from her. Before
his dad pulled him from the kitchen, he turned to his mum.
“What time are you leaving?”
Her own brand of guilt flashed across her face. “I’ve set
aside particular gifts each for you all to open that I want to see,” she said. “Then
I’ll leave.”
Alex looked over her uniform, hating that she couldn’t
decline a Christmas Day shift. Yet after the money vacuum Christmas was, she
would need all the pay she could get. Alex hated this part of Christmas: the
part that came with each year of growing up. Each year giving him more
awareness of the behind-the-scenes of Christmas Day.
Still, one look at his sister’s joyful face, that dark
cloud broke. He couldn’t help but be brought into her happy orbit.
His dad pulled him along. “So do we think it’s pale blue fluffy pyjamas again, with little clouds on, or do you think she’s gone for a
more considerate approach of plaid patterns?”
“It’s Rose,” Alex scoffed, “Of course they’re pale blue and fluffy.”
*
In the end, Rose’s
three presents set out was a massive unicorn stuffed toy, a Minnie Mouse
mirror-and-table set, and a new hairstyling doll.
Triss opened a new planner with so many sections she
spent ten minutes going through it all, money for driving lessons, and a new
scarf.
And Alex’s was—
He tore off the wrapping paper, stared down at the gift
in his lap before looking at his mum. He knew time was tight and she had to go
as soon as possible but he couldn’t tell himself to stop. His fingers were numb,
holding the piece of paper. Tears shined in his mum’s eyes as his dad looked on
with pride.
Alex’s chest tightened as he considered the gift. And
then couldn’t help the tears falling down his face.
“What…” he whispered, unable to speak clearly.
“What is it?” Rose called impatiently. She had more
presents to open; what was the delay? Clambering over Triss’s lap to reach his
side, Rose peered down and audibly tried to read the boldest word.
But Alex knew everything it said—and everything it meant.
“You’ve been talking about it for so long,” his mum said,
her voice soft with emotion. “And you’ve been working so hard at your job. We
thought we’d help you along.”
In his hands, he held a plane ticket to China. He’d
wanted to complete a year at a top culinary school over there next year but
even with the funds from his job, he hadn’t been able to afford the travel. And
now…
Alex couldn’t breathe evenly enough as he stumbled over to
his parents and collapsed into his mum’s arms. After a second, he felt his dad
come around to hug him tightly.
“Thank you,” he whispered into his mum’s shoulder. “Thank
you both.”
And although that wave of guilt tried to overtake him, he
shoved it back. This wasn’t a gift to feel guilty over—this was a gift to be
endlessly grateful for. Alex thought of all the nights Rose had spent crying in
his room, asking for her dad to read her a bedtime story but he’d been working.
He thought of the days he’d seen his mum bit her nails right down when she was
declined shift after shift request. And then they’d stuck her with Christmas
Day, of all days.
Alex sobbed harder, holding his parents tighter. He
wouldn’t have to forfeit anymore. He could progress, better himself, he could—
“What else did you get?” Rose asked, looking around. She
still had more presents, as did Triss, but that small piece of paper that meant
more than it’s size was all that was in Alex’s corner. And he couldn’t care
less.
“I have more than enough,” Alex said softly.
“But Santa didn’t get you more things!” Rose cried, looking
up sadly. So Alex sat next to her, showing her the plane ticket.
“See this? This is worth everything to me. This is all I wanted
to open, Rose. Santa knew I didn’t need lots of presents this year, only this
one.” He caught his dad’s fond expression as he watched them both. Rose, with
her wide, imploring eyes; Alex, unable to properly convey what this meant to
him.
“Why does Santa want to send you away?” Rose asked,
pouting.
Alex pulled her to his side, hugging her tightly. “Because
he knows you love me enough to be right
here in your heart and mind.”
Whether his little sister understood, he didn’t care. He
wanted to teach her that it wasn’t always the amount of presents visually but rather
the thought and quality behind them. One plane ticket could be worth more than
ten of Rose’s gifts.
He looked around his family, wanting a better New Year
for them all. Triss, about to embark on her Master’s degree; Rose, conquering her
class and proving she, too, had her dad and elder sister’s academia even at a
young age; his mum, finding a new job with better hours; his dad finally
realising that love was worth more than money earned.
And Alex… He could go to China, get the education he
wanted, and know that when he returned, his family would be waiting.
