Currently Reading: Blood Keeper by Tessa Gratton.
Currently Listening: Crazy by 4minute.
So if any of you are writers/artists/ and... Actually, screw that. We're all human, we all like to have something we excel at; we all Bad Days and Good Days; times when we look at ourselves and think we look particularly good or maybe bad. I get these sort of things. I choose to write and hope for a career in writing and sometimes I wonder why.
Why do I choose to stress myself out? To build up another world, create characters to bring that world to life? To do all of this when somebody more able to can? Because I love it, that's why. Because I know that I find it hard to go one day without writing something, even a paragraph of something. I have a few writing projects going on at the moment, (which is what this post was originally meant to be about but then ALL THIS came up) so if I feel one story isn't working for me at a certain time, I can switch to something to better suit my mind-set. Sometimes, I feel like it can help; other times, I feel like I'm just using multiple projects an excuse to not get on with the story I really want to make work.
I've entered competitions with my writing and felt confident. Afterwards, someone might read my piece - a friend, a classmate, a family member - and say something slightly opinionated and I'll spend the remaining competiton time in dull hope that dwindles. But that person calling my work bad, or not good enough, is not the person judging my competition piece. Yet, my thoughts linger on that negative comment, rather than think of another person's positive feedback. Thus starts that vicious cycle:
- not feeling good enough to make a career out of writing
- getting more agent rejections
- taking time out to reassess what I've written and see where I need to alter both that and my outlook on my work
- building up my confidence to say, "yes, I can write. I am a good writer."
- feeling good enough to show somebody and get that negative comment again.
This possibly makes me seem like I'm really insecure and can't take a single bad word about my writing. I can; and I listen to them, but even after I alter my work to those comments, I still think about them. I let them affect me more than they should and that puts an entire damper on my confidence in my literary skills. So I read more, try to take in more words, more ways to write things differently, explore more genres of writing and, of course, redraft my main project.
The thing is, I find it hard to remember the good things that have been said when I stare helplessly at my screen, seeing these pages of words that I feel are boring and dull and no good anymore. And I go to my friend and I complain to her and tell her how bad a writer I am and I'll admit, I get quite mopey and self-depreciating but that's what people do in self-doubt.
But the point of this is, that usually, yes, you are good enough. You just need to find a person who won't just shower you in praise, or dump a load of negative, lowering things about your writing. You just need to find the right agent that is passionate enough about what you send them. I should be thankful for the rejections - I wouldn't want a half-commited agent taking my novel further. I want the right one to tell me they feel strongly about helping me get published. I write, a lot. I read, a lot. And by surrounding myself in literary things and doing all the writing practice I can, I'm only bound to get stronger as a writer and more secure in the sense that I can make it. And so can anyone else who's in the same situation as me. The authors who already have books out, multiple series, they all went through this. The difference is, they stick it out long enough to get somewhere, and not be bombarded under all the less-than-kind things said.
I just felt like I had to say something because I woke up to another agent rejection this morning and am trying really hard to not be so affected by it. But it's my best friend's birthday today (The cool one I always talk about, Ellen) and I have to finish off her present, which, incidentally, is something writer-y.
That's all, (this got more sappy and personal and longer than I intended but heyho) for this post! 😌 Byeeeee
