Legends in Stories.

As a reader, I love legends in young adult novels. They add a sense of history and mystery--and often magic--to the overall story. A lot of the time, legends provide a heroic figure of inspiration to the protagonist and that's what I love: that they're not so utterly great alone that they're above having people to look up to, to remember when accomplishing greatness.

As a writer, I incorporate my love of legends into my own stories. In Imperial Infiltration, there's a legend about a "snow girl" called Rowen, who survived a desert for three months because she found a sort of dreamscape place where she discovered her survival powers. When writing, I use legends to foreshadow future events. (Book Two of II spoiler here) For instance, Rowen's legend isn't just a legend. It's a story that happened years ago, long enough to become something of a myth but is actually the pathway for Aritha Zenii to discover something deep inside of her soul. I have other legends of a desert princess which is foreshadowing the talent of the Emperor's daughter and the story behind Con's eyepatch. A theme is that most take place in the desert and that's because that area is forbidden in the story so it holds most of the secrets that has made it so off-limits. But legends surround it because I think deserts are unending and mysterious and anything can literally happen in them. With fantasy, anything really can.

I hadn't found an incredible author who incorporated legends into their books until I read Rebel of the Sands by Alwyn Hamilton. She has no shortage of legends winding into that desert setting for Amani to listen to, and I adored it. Honestly, this series is my reader salvation for a quality in the stories I love to read. These legends inspire different characters in the story and give them a level of what they want to achieve. It's not just one legend that becomes an obsession but lots of legends, all affecting the present events, years after they supposedly happened. After reading both Rebel and Traitor to the Throne, I became heavily inspired to find my own legends and stories. Mine also take place in a desert, but its laid out in an entirely different way and concept and leads to far different things.

In the fantasy draft I'm currently working on, Mad Rebellion, the protagonist is told a story by her grandmother, about a girl who peered over the edge of a well and fell down into the depths of the water below. But rather than drown, she sunk in a panic, down far enough that she discovered a world beyond. The protagonist reflects on this at a pivotal part of the story, where she finds the doorway to a world that caters to her thoughts and she can't help but make the comparison between her curiosity and that of the girl's who fell to another world entirely.

I think young adult fantasy definitely needs more legends in them because they allow creativity to extend just beyond the current events of the story; they allow exploration of different themes to the ones being written about. In Imperial Infiltration, magic isn't acknowledged but with the use of legends, I still got to write about those with a bit more to them to form a path to Book Two, where I can start bringing in the true magical side of the story. I'm using legends to slowly bring that concept into what is a fantasy duology.

I'm always up for more fantasy young adult books with this theme so if there's any recommendations, come find me on Twitter and let me know!

Stardust in Your Soul

A writer and reader's endurance through mental health...

This morning, a girl that has become one of my closest friends from afar, introduced me to a beautiful poem by Nikita Gill that moved me to tears immediately. It's been a long time since I've cried from something other than my own thoughts so it was nice to read this and cry because of it's beauty.

What You Are, What You're Not

You are:

A walking, breathing universe

of thoughts, ideas, stories as your stars

supernovas full of adventure in your veins

galaxies of emotion.

An untamed, powerful ocean

of every experience that made you

into a journey full of storms

and quiet starry nights.

A sky that has held

the worst of storms

but never forgotten

to let the sun shine through

But you are not and never have been

an apology, a mistake

or a thing to be forgotten.

Remember that in the way

you wear your skin every morning.

And I read this over and over until I couldn't actually see anymore because my vision had blurred with either tears or from being tired. As someone prone to apologising for anything and everything, my fault or otherwise, the last verse struck me deep enough to stick. I adore poetry but it becomes slippery in my mind no matter how much I love it. But that last verse spoke to me. I am not to be forgotten. I am not to be an apology. Where I'm at in my life right now, this was important for me to read.

I debated over writing this blog post. I wanted it to be honest and me as opposed to a cry for help because I don't want that. This is not that.

In my life right now, I'm struggling. It's been months since I've gone out with friends or even seen a couple of close friends at a time. It's been a few weeks since I've been able to dredge up some excitement at that prospect. Talking to my friends via social media is comfortable for me because there's no requirement to go out when I don't want to. I have very little desire to leave my house because there's no comfort out there for me, a person struggling with numerous health issues, including fainting. As someone who has that worry hanging over them constantly, it's hard to pull up excitement and to look forward to going out. All that remains is dread and anxious anticipation. From this, anxiety has stemmed cripplingly so for me. That, in turn, has pushed me further into a place that I don't want to leave.

My mind is a maze of wonder and creativity. Somehow, despite not going out very much unless it's with the anchors that are my mum or sister (and even then, I won't dare go far), my creativity has not left me. It's all that's left. So whilst my mind flourishes and builds other worlds for me to get out  and live through and explore, my body fails me and I lack the strength now to push it to overcome these fears. Because I don't want to. There's something in me that cowers and snarls at the thought of that. Some days, I can go walking and think, "I am capable of coming back from this. I am capable of finding friends again rather than relying on my friendships from afar because there's no physical demand of seeing them. I am capable of finding love without wanting to back away because I know there's no way I can go out on dates with my current state of health."

I've always depended on stories to help me escape. Now my bedroom has become a comfortable prison in which I've locked myself up in to protect myself from my fears in the world. Dramatic, right? I'm a writer, I blow things up. But reading that poem, I can recognise that I've survived storms and self-destruction in my past but that I'm walking through the biggest storm I've ever had to endure. Some days, my legs don't even keep me up in order for me to walk on. So there's no end in sight for me right now. But perhaps nothing is a mistake. I go onto Pinterest every day, hoping for inspiration, and I find it. I just can't take it and apply it to myself anymore in the way that matters.

Yesterday, I wrote over 4,000 words on my current novel, bringing my goal closer to achieving. Great, amazing, go me. But it's no physical effort or fight to sit at my own desk, in my own bedroom, forgetting to eat breakfast because I've fallen into the world inside my own head. I think to myself I should go to a coffee shop near me and write there. I should compromise: take what I love and what I find comfort in and situate myself some place that I need to develop comfort in.

I made a move that I thought I'd never make this morning. It was a thing I've only confided to one person and she's incredible (Marian, I love you, and thank you because I finally sent that thing). Then I got the poem sent to me in way of my friend, Sara, needing a caption for a picture. She sent three poems; two were short and powerful, but the longer one stuck with me and I needed to share it. I needed to share me because I don't think some people who have put pressure on me to be the old me they once knew can understand just how big that storm in my head is right now and why that hinders me in being who I should be.

Anxiety and depression is part of mental health and a major part at that. They're very real and valid and they shouldn't be forced to go away from someone. I'm around some people who think that they can force these problems out of me rather than softly encourage me to take small steps at a time. The problem is that the wonderful people (virtually) holding my hand and taking small steps with me are the people far away, who I can't see but spend all day talking to. But they're there and it doesn't matter that they're not nearer to me because they're doing the most for me right now. I've had to cut off friendships that were suffocating me or adding mental strain to my already crumbling wellbeing and they were steps I'd struggled to take and put off. But I did it and I've been chided for that, for trying to look after a part of my mind, because they were still friends but they weren't good or understanding friends for my current state. In a fragile place, a person needs friends to understand them, not pressure them or be argued with when they can't do something.

It's not all doom-and-gloom, don't get me wrong. Some days, I'll wake up smiling, having slept well, even if I don't quite feel like I have. I'll still get up, get dressed and make an effort to go walking for a while. I leave my house alone occasionally and just get lost in thoughts, which all go right to a novel I'm planning because that will be my recovery and survival book. I'll be passing my problems onto someone who will carry them better and do something to overcome them, someone with support around him, someone who gives himself a chance. And through that, I may inspire myself with my own character. That'll be called EVERYTHING AROUND  US, referring to the beauty of everything around, whether it's seen or not.

Right now, I have 12,000 words left to write of my 50,000 word goal for July and I know I can do that. Give me writing to do and I can smash it in the way I feel able. Writing is the only thing I have left and I'll be damned if I let it slip away too. It may give me some strain headaches but it's my forte and what I can surround myself with in positivity because I know that I'm good at it. I can finally hold up my hand and admit that I'm a talented writer and that took me years to be able to do.

CampNaNoWriMo and Mad Rebellion!

At the start of this blog, I used to post every Wednesday. Then I lost inspiration of what to write; after a while, I renewed my efforts and tried to turn this into a more writing/book-related blog. Now, I do still tend to post once a week but I always feel like I have a lot to share to those who want to hear. So my posting schedule is all over the place.

But today seems appropriate to talk about the topic I want to post about because of two things. Firstly, I hit a major goal with my current project. Secondly, I shared a part of that project with a trusted friend-slash-reader who is so loyal to my writing its actually incredible.

I've been taking part in CampNaNoWriMo for the first time and set myself a target of 50,000 words. I thought that was pretty ambitious to someone who forgets their own goals and then yells about having not met them. But I went ahead and made that my goal to hit by the end of July. So off I went into a new adventure to write and reach this word count with.

Said adventure has been titled Mad Rebellion and it's a fantasy retelling of the famous Alice in Wonderland. Aaaaand yesterday, I hit over halfway to my goal! I felt so close to not reaching it but come evening time, I made myself sit down and write with determination whilst watching Word kindly tell me when I reached 25,000 words. I was actually sweating by the time I checked and I'd hit 25,200 words.

Mad Rebellion is the story of Amina who works as a baker and follows the instruction of a fortune-teller and takes a drink that allows her glimpses into another, very different world. One day, a boy comes into the bakery where she works and leaves a red coin, which prompts her to find the fortune-teller once more and demand to know what's happening. This leads her to find the "doorway" to Wondering Land. The world Amina finds is divided in two, depicted mainly by colours. Ruling over it is the "red side", where a queen sits on her throne. Fighting that power is the Hatter, the leader of the purple rebellion, trying to claim her throne back, as she's the rightful ruler. Years ago, the red queen's mother was the king's commander. But she overthrew the king and ended his rule, bringing her own family into power. The Hatter is the forgotten princess of that king who just wants her father's legacy to continue. When Amina literally falls into Wondering Land, she's wanted by both sides because she's the added piece for either side to gain the upper hand. She has to choose who gets her loyalty, as each ruler demands something different from her and her choice will affect the result of the war Wondering Land is caught in.

Along the way, Amina meets creepy rabbits, a fortune-teller who serves as the go-between through Wondering Land and Ferran (where Amina comes from) and pays the price for it, twins that show her what she could be depending on her choices, and finds love deep among the madness of the strange world she finds herself starting to like.

---

I've written this book for two of my friends. They showed me a different side to the original Wonderland and characters, in two very different ways, and spurred my interest to find out what more this tale could offer in terms of weirdness and to reach an older audience. Earlier today, I sent one of my friends the first two chapters of Mad Rebellion and nearly cried happy tears at the feedback they gave me. When you know you're writing a story and dedicating it to certain people in your mind, you get nervous when you send them it, hoping they'll love it, even the messy glimpse of a first draft. But it was loved and stirred intrigue and that's the most I had hoped for in the stage that the story's in. I still have a long, long way to go with telling it but I'm happy to have passed over halfway at the right time for CampNaNoWriMo and the goal I set.

Stories (In the Making and) Untold.

"Writers write; everyone else just talks about it."

The quote above, seen on an online writing course I've been flicking through, has stuck with me for a few weeks. It's been there throughout my Imperial Infiltration edits, through drafting my current project, and now, as my notebook is being filled with yet even more ideas.

These are ideas I'm immensely excited about. You know the initial idea, it's all fresh and new and able to be explored without the messiness of first drafts corrupting it yet. So my notebook is sprawling with new things and I just wanted to share a little about these ideas.

Notebook Writing:

For me, I can't write on paper so my notebook boasts the messiest of my writing snippets. Barely does it have anything beyond a few lines that makes it into the story. For me, my notebook is for the initial idea, for random words I want to jot down for a story, and for mindmaps, which has been a new and fun thing. I've also outlined a story in my notebook (once) but I can never write proper, good sentences in there. My hand forgets to write--it only knows typing when it comes to creativity.

But my notebook has my mind in it: messy, uncultured, scribbled-out, uncoordinated. And at the beginning, that's all story ideas are; they're small things, like the slight breeze coming in through an open window that coaxes you to get up and feel something bigger than just that hint. That's what my notebook is.

Desert Ascending - (It's not the real title but just once that's been floating around in my mind). This is the second half to the Imperial Infiltration duology, the book I'm currently querying with. It will completely wrap up the Zenii sisters' story whilst throwing a whole lot of extras in there. It's the only book I've ever outlined in preparation to write. In 28 points, I've outlined this second story and I'm just waiting for the right moment to return to it. It seems like bad luck to start writing it whilst querying with it's companion.

Everything Around Us - As most know, I write fantasy stories. It's mainly because I read a lot of fantasy, it is where my passion in literature lives, but I also have a massive love for contemporary young adult books. And that's what this story in my mind is: a contemporary. But I think writing that sort of thing requires a skill to not cross the border between having the narrative witty or pretentious/asshole-y. But it's there and I've drafted out an opening paragraph for both Hazel and Nicholas, the main characters carrying the story. Surrounding them, I've fleshed out some secondary characters and a plotline. Basically, the idea is to have Hazel as this constantly wandering free spirit who finds her way into a film class, where Nicholas, having suffered an incredibly bad year due to depression and anxiety, has already been bullied by his older sister (Argument Extraordinaire) into attending. Through that, they meet three other people and they all form this weird and wonderful friendship group where each of them has their own uniqueness to bring to the story, all whilst trying to capture the beauty of life around them through this class, when they can't always directly see it. That's the theme of the story: beauty is there if you look for it; it's there even if you don't.

Laptop Writing -

Maybe some people have different views or too many deadlines to only stick to one story per time but I only have the mental ability to draft one story at a time. This one is still my magician story which I've admittedly had to halt a little during this month (explained below) but I'm so close to finishing. It's the story of Tollen Erst who is trying to fight his past, lie by lie, and cover up a terrible secret and find redemption for it in Harrow city. At the right-hand of the king, he serves as an advisor, where he decides the fate of criminals through seeing magic, expressed through a set of dice. Each dice is made up of six symbols, all representing something, either good or bad. Alongside Tollen, the story has incredibly strong female characters (a gang of them) who basically own the story, especially Dhae Chalon, an artist with a touch of magic in her and who the citizens of Harrow say walked right from the throne of Hell itself. So that's proving fun and dark and strange to write. It's a standalone that I'm planning companion novellas for because there's so much that happens to different characters in different places before the story starts that I want to explore.

At the start of July, I began my first CampNaNoWriMo project, which is a fantasy, young adult Alice in Wonderland retelling. It was in planning for a few weeks before I started typing it down. So far, I'm making decent progress with it. Not yet enough but all projects have different progression times!

Mad Rebellion - I watched a stage performance of Wonderland and it was incredible and inspired me to think beyond the classic box of Alice in Wonderland. It's been playing on my mind and my notebook now bears the start of an outline (I'm outlining as much as I can do as I'm still learning how so I then write up to where I point out and then go back). It's a strange story of a reluctant Red Queen who never asked for her throne, an Alice who loves a little too much, twins that reflect other personalities and a Hatter who brings newer madness to Wondering Land. It has wonderfully crazy themes and my Pinterest board is so inspiring for it.

Even though I recently made a Where I'm At post, this one just says about the things my mind is constantly at work with and forming. If anyone wants to know more, find me on Twitter here, where I've posted aesthetics and progress updates, or on Pinterest to see visuals of the things I'm working on here!

Loveable YA Villains

Credit to the artist. (this artwork is INCREDIBLE, I love it.)

Disney have a very good showcase of villains, as shown in this amazing artwork above, but villains in young adult books are an entirely different story. In young adult, there are a lot of awful villains that basically make the protagonists' lives a living hell. But then there are loveable ones. Ones that are both terrible and wonderful; the bad things make them better and more tortured. They beckon a reader, almost, to love them instead of hate them. Suddenly, the hitches they make in the story make adventures rather than a hindrance.

Some examples? The Darkling, from the Shadow and Bone trilogy. Holland from the Shades of Magic series. Amarantha from A Court of Thorns and Roses.

(Credit to the artist)
Holland

Before Osaron came along and destroyed Holland and broke down his city that he loved and cared for, Holland was portrayed as a terrible Antari, the bad to rival Kell's good. In A Darker Shade of Magic, he killed Baron and that left him in a terrible perception from Lila's view point. Holland made bad decisions and he killed. But then, bit by bit, his past was revealed. And with it, Holland's strength. Finally, a version of the strong boy who refused to be broken by the Dane twins was revealed. The Antari who fought a god trying to overtake his mind that had already been bent and willed by others was revealed. Holland was a villain that fought and then stood his ground and fought harder. In A Gathering of Shadows, I found myself rooting for him and his city. I liked that he'd finally made his way to the top, to being a king, and finding love in his city again and making it to what he always thought it should have been. Until it crumbled, until he was blackmailed, until he had to fight again. In A Conjuring of Light, Holland was the target. And I almost wished for his death on a couple of occasions just so his poor, tired mind and body could be free. Instead what I got as a reader was heartbreak. More of his past with the Danes was given and with each part added together, I cried and felt more and more for Holland and only admired him more. He was a powerful person who was used and chained up for most of the last story, who didn't always mind that he was seen as untrustworthy because he knew what he'd been through and what he'd live to survive and help with. What Victoria (V.E) Schwab gives us in Holland is magical and torture and the will to go on and have something driving you forward.

(Credit to the artist)
The Darkling

The Darkling. It's been a long time since I read this trilogy but Leigh Bardugo writes her villains like the best of the best. What struck me when I read Shadow and Bone was how much admiration I could have for a villain and was it normal? He was the first character I'd ever really liked for his evil nature. He was dark and beautiful and powerful and featured in some amazing scenes. Ones that come to mind was when he twisted his magic to make something stunning, alongside Alina's in the party in Shadow and Bone. On the boat in Siege and Storm, I adored him even when I perhaps shouldn't, when he was dishing out violent threats. I wanted Alina to be happy and whilst I knew there was a part of her that loved The Darkling, I knew Mal would be her happy ending but when he taunted her, he taunted readers too. Leigh Bardugo wrote him to make us root for him. What I didn't expect--what a lot of people didn't expect that I've talked to--was his ending. As an amazing villain, he deserved better. But as a villain, he had the best exit and closure. Everything about him was dangerous and mysterious, and having his mother as a horrid part of the story made everything so much better. She was there to annoy him or to help Alina out when she knew the son she loved had gone too far. The Darkling refused to make her his salvation no matter how hard she tried but she never stopped loving him. If anything, she was the only one who understood him, which is why, I think, she helped Alina in Shadow and Bone.

(Credit to the artist)
Amarantha

I want to end with Amarantha because she was a bitch. She was truly awful to Rhysand and more of that comes out in A Court of Mist and Fury. But in the first book, her character of the evil queen with her power and court was amazing and done so well by Sarah J. Maas. She was a villain who made her evilness work and not to the point of not wanting to read on with the story. (Also, the fact that she gave Tamlin a mask which would have given his "tan" face awful tan lines when he took it off is hilarious.) When I first read about Amarantha, she was striking and dramatic and powerful, immediately jumping off the page. She got a really great indirect introduction before the scenes Under the Mountain happened and I think that made it for me. I was so intrigued to meet this clever woman who had tricked Tamlin (which I later cheered her on for because he truly doesn't deserve any sort of love but then realised it fell onto the rest of his court) so when I finally did, I was impressed. Here was a truly awful female villain who owned her role.

Of course, come Rhysand's story of actually living with her, I truly began to hate her. But she was cunning and clever and I love that in villains. They have to be to survive young adult stories; otherwise they just don't make the role good enough. Yet when she was on the page in all her horribleness, Amarantha was a very creditable villain.

What do you think makes a good YA villain? Personality? Their backstory? Dialogue? Their look or actions?

The Crown's Game (Review)

Title: The Crown's Game

Author: Evelyn Skye

Genre: Young Adult, Fantasy

Rating: 4*

The Crown's Game is not one to lose...

... Especially when it comes to the two enchanters that equally have their role in shaping the Game, refacing cities and islands and bakeries. Set in an alternate Imperial Russia, Evelyn Skye's debut novel is a fantastic take on magic and power that sees two enchanters battle each other for the title of Imperial Enchanter to the tsar.

Vika Andreyeva is a girl who uses her magic to conjure things throughout the book; from islands to magical rivers, to storms, to destruction, she fights for her chance to get what she wants.  Nikolai Karimov's magic is more of an alteration to existing things. He can take a miniature bench, enlarge it, and turn it into a thing to lie on and dream of other cities outside of Saint Petersburg, where the main story is set.

Raised on an island by Sergei, Vika has no knowledge that there may be another enchanter to fight and only plans on taking her oath to the tsar when she turns eighteen. At the beginning of the book, she's sixteen, and both her and Sergei believe she has two more years to control and hone her magic. When they receive the invitation to go to Bolshebonie Duplo--Enchanted Hollow--Vika finally meets her match. He's a shadow boy at first, casting his own shield over himself to disguise his appearance to make it harder for Vika to directly target him.

Nikolai was raised in an entirely different life by Galina, Sergei's sister. Despite her rescuing him as an orphan, she very much leaves him to his own devices with his power, dropping the occasional, spontaneously-timed test. The first time Nikolai uses his magic in the book is when he is taken to the public library and has to reorder five misplaced books out of thousands of volumes, only seeing through the wall.

Immediately, Nikolai's magic impressed me. Compared with Vika's when the time came for them to battle each other, I did have my doubts that his magic could match hers. It turns out that Nikolai's tailoring could create an army of stone birds, targeted to attack his only opponent and he could alter a small dock into a larger port to attach to the island Vika conjures.

In the Crown's Game, each player gets five moves, each one more impressive than the rest to win the favour of the tsar, who they'd serve. Honestly, I was rooting for some sort of magical split so both Vika and Nikolai could have the thing they wanted, the title they'd worked and exhausted themselves for. But it doesn't work like that: the point of the game is for one winner because they'd need to inhabit all of the magic supplied. Eventually, the loss of magic or a lack of a move (indicated by a burn-mark of crossed wands) will burn the player to death. Either way, there is only one winner either by defeat of the other or not taking their turn.

Over time, both Nikolai and Vika make and develop their ties with a loveable crown prince, Pasha.  Nikolai already had himself a firm Best Friend position with the unwilling prince but kept his abilities from Pasha, which I found both understandable and unfair, considering all they share, and therefore, his involvement in the game is concealed from the prince for most of the story. Vika meets Pasha when she initially meets Nikolai but doesn't realise who either of them are. Yet Pasha remembers Vika, with her fire-red hair, run-through with a black stripe. He falls in love with her almost immediately, travelling to seek her out, only to find she's moved to Saint Petersburg for the game. Only Pasha finds out that Vika is a player in the game by his own curiosity and research. He becomes obsessed, almost, with the Crown's Game and it's methods and ways, constantly asking his friend Nikolai to help him out. But when Nikolai disappears from Pasha's company to either sleep off the drain from using his magic or to take his turn in secret, Pasha begins to worry and piece things together.

There is mention of how the crown prince--the tsarevich--uses disguises to escape the confines of the palace frequently, or to find out information to help his politically-minded sister. Disguises become Pasha's trait. So when he hold a masquerade ball and parades as Dmitri the angel, able to dance with anyone without being fussed over, he sees it as the perfect place to meet Vika properly. The masquerade was one of my favourite scenes due to the intensity of the magic that builds around Nikolai and Vika when they dance, except it makes the major alteration in the story that gives both enchanters the realisation that they don't want to hurt the other but still want to win. Their attachment to each other turns into something like anger at the other due to the torn feelings.

The Crown's Game bears an emotional and heart-wrenching ending when Pasha's parents are killed by the true, vengeful mother of one of the enchanters and he must take over ruling the Game, when the game ends in a terrific cliff-hanger. My feelings for Pasha only increased through the new hardship of ruling he suffers and I sympathised with him, for the hard decisions he had to make, to know whether the boy who was his best friend or the girl he felt immensely for had won.

The ending left me with a burning need to read The Crown's Fate, which I'd already preordered before even opening the first page of The Crown's Game, and I'll be looking forward to diving into this month!