* Shane is the social media writing name I prefer, although I will be publishing under the name Bryony Reid due to further recognition.
It's been an AGE since I've posted on here. I thought I'd reinvent my blogger presence by updating on my writing life over the past few months.
Some time in August, I knew I needed a win. My day job was weighing me down (as it continues to do but heyho, it's 2018, we're expected to earn a wage, even if it mentally kills us off amiright!), my social life is a lil' bit in tatters, and I was generally feeling lost again. I had a story saved, one that came from a very deep, broken place in my heart about platonic friends that suffer a break-up, so to speak. After much deliberation, I decided I wanted to self-publish again. I got in touch with self-published authors, got lots of advice, and decided this was where I wanted to take myself. I wanted to be in control.
That book was called SAVING PAIGES and I pretty much announced it to the world. I was proud; I had news, I had a beautiful book that had already been called "profound". I hired an editor and shared my story, willing to take any and every piece of advice she gave me. I'd be self-publishing alone; I needed all the professional eyes I could get. I set a publication date (20/12/2018). I found a sort of social media theme. I put myself on Goodreads.
And then.
At first, I would have called it "Disaster Strikes", but after much rational thought, I'm calling it the "Thankful Realisation". My editorial letter came through on SAVING PAIGES. I had a good story but I didn't have the logistics. I didn't have a secure plot to follow. Everything in there was too much Me and not enough Fiction. Remember when I said the story came from a deep, broken place? I put unfiltered thoughts and content in, and my editor gave me a few reality hits. (Ones that made me realise things about my own self). She made me realise there was not near enough to my main character, not near enough to the actual story. She suggested a big replot, and at first, I genuinely wallowed. This was a story I had already spent so much time drafting and editing--now I'd have to go through it all again? The point of me self-publishing was to take control, was to give myself something to hold and cheer myself on for, and I felt like it left me.
On a side note, I'm trying to rationalise all my thoughts as of late. I'm trying to be less sensitive, to laugh things off, to be a lighter, happier, better me. So I took time out to go through this editorial letter, to look at it from the correct angle: my editor is not trying to ruin my dreams but help me achieve the best story I could create. I deliberated, wrote down everything that didn't work well within my story, let myself know why, and resolved to recreate.
I won't have a book for December now, I don't think. It will be some sort of miracle if I do! That's the hardest to come to terms with. I can rewrite a book, I can edit again and again, over and over, until it can be a book suitable for publication. I just don't want to be sitting idle for months on end, and even though I write every day, I've had the world make me feel like I'm sitting idle just because I'm not out in the "real world" working full time. I'm not. I have to remember that. I'm working every day towards my ultimate dream. I'm not letting that dream be swayed, or burn out. I'm chasing it, working towards it, and I'm working hard. The hardest lesson I've learnt over 2018 is that just because you're not up and physically productive, does not nullify anything you do whilst sat down, working. Progress is progress, and it happens to different people in different ways. As someone handling a dream job where I work at it in my bedroom, in comfort, its hard to accept that as progress when I have a day job that requires me to be professional and literally stood at a desk for eight hours, on my feet, physically there. That's my own problem, I'll deal with that, not let anyone else tell me that writing isn't a real job, or a real thing, or enough.
So what's happening with my book? It's getting a brand new rewrite. Its slowly becoming a better story to tell. Every word will still come from a personal place but it won't be sensitive anymore; it will be a story worthy of any interested reader. For now, I'm taking down all my promotions because they exist for something non-existing right now, and I'm taking down my Goodreads information. I was hasty and excited with everything else.
All I can do is write and wait, and edit and wait, and hope that I have support backing me, even if my promotion time will be much shorter.
