Best Books of 2018

Note: Not all the books I read have been published this year. When I say "best books" I purely mean what I bought, old or new books, and completely enjoyed reading this year.

2018 has been a weird year for me. I worked for most of it but through that I found myself not enjoying life. A new manager took over in my workplace and messed up my working life to the point of me leaving. Now, looking for a new job, I feel like this year hasn't quite existed. I look back, appalled at myself when I count the months it's been since I last saw a particular friend, or went to this place or that place. This year has flown by in a blink, filled by working days, sad days, happy moments and overall, a very externally unexciting 2018.

But my solace will always be books, and I read some incredible ones this past year.

I started my year off reading IF BIRDS FLY BACK, by Carlie Sorosiak, and my soul absolutely sang with it. I've never felt so seen by a book before I read this. I have such love for Carlie's writing style, the amazing characters I read about, and their hardships. Linny, the female protagonist, was a character I related to so much with her desire for films, scripts, and finding herself as well as her sister.

ALEX, APPROXIMATELY, by Jenn Bennett. If you know me, you know I will not shut up about Jenn Bennett's writing. I've read three of her YA contemporaries now, and ALEX, APPROXIMATELY, was just another addition to the love I have for her books. It's such a fun, exciting read, with fresh plot-lines and characters. If you're a fan of a contemporary centered around the protagonist moving towns and finding a new life, love, and goals, this is for you! (Bonus: film-fanatic characters!)

SONG OF THE CURRENT, by Sarah Tolcser. As far as debut novels go, this was incredible. A novel set on a river? With a whole community of river-people? And sailors? With a headstrong female protagonist at it's helm? And a stowaway character who becomes her love interest? I was SOLD. Sarah Tolcser's descriptions of the rivers, boats, and how Caro's world revolves around the river-folk is wonderfully done. I was so hooked!

LETTERS TO THE LOST, by Brigid Kemmerer. I read this in June; at this point, I'd read extremely disappointing contemporary reads. I hadn't a read a good one since Alex, Approximately, in January. This is a book where the main connection is virtual communication. It's the classic trope of "we talk through screens but oh no, you're the school's bad boy in real life and you'd never look twice at me--but oh, you have" and I'm a massive sucker for that. I was completely invested in this novel and even though a lot of people have reasons to dislike this trope, it's done so well. There are amazing heartwarming moments in this, as well as shocking plot twists!

THE STAR-TOUCHED QUEEN, by Roshani Chokski. This is the Hades/Persephone/legendary story I've been waiting for! It has riddles, magic, portals, plot-twists, myths and culture - what more could you want in a fantasy book? This story pulled me in from it's first word, and I found myself hating myself for not reading it sooner.

TO KILL A KINGDOM, by Alexandra Christo. Again, another watery debut that I absolutely dived right into. This is The Little Mermaid with a better twist. The main protagonist, Lira, is a siren, tasked with taking a prince's heart--but she ends up falling for that heart instead. And the prince is also a pirate with a brilliant crew and determination to better himself. Deadly, dangerous, and magical, this is definitely a debut from an author I look forward to reading more from.

THE HATE U GIVE, by Angie Thomas. I was slow getting to this. I knew how emotionally-fuelled it was, how big a deal it was, and I had to be mentally prepared to read that. But once I read it, I devoured it, and then never shut up about it. Every day, I updated my mum on the story even as she got lost in my terrible verbal explanations (because we all know I can't speak), and happily sat for hours on my days off work just taking everything in. This is a hard, honest, raw book to read--one I think everyone of any age, genre-preference, or mentality should read.

ONLY LOVE CAN BREAK YOUR HEART, by Katherine Webber. Katherine is another contemporary author whose book I would buy in a heartbeat. I would read her shopping list. Reading Wing Jones last year felt like a breath of fresh air. All Katherine's books have this sense of self to it, like the book whispers find yourself, know who you are. Indeed, every time I finish her books, whether it's a reread or new story, I assess myself and find something a little brighter each time. I try to look for the positive things in me rather than dwell on the negatives. But even when I find the negatives, somehow they seem a little less potent. My heart sings for Katherine Webber's words.

UNDER ROSE-TAINTED SKIES, by Louise Gornall. HI, ALL, THIS WAS PROBABLY THE MOST IMPORTANT BOOK I READ THIS YEAR. When I say important, I mean in a very personal way. This was a book my mental health needed to know existed, a book I read more as a guide than a story, and felt more confident for it. A Young Adult contemporary about a protagonist suffering with agoraphobia to the point of never leaving her house is something I related to. This year, I could count on only one lot of two hands how many times I left my house for social plans. Every other time was for work, and even then, I wanted to curl up and never leave my room. This book felt like a hand to hold, a murmur in my ear that I was okay, that recovery is out there; support is out there.

STATE OF SORROW, by Melinda Salisbury. Politics! Lost siblings! Courts! Warring countries! This is a beautiful read, full of colour, education, intrigue, and the politics behind a country. So different to her Sin-Eater's Daughter trilogy, Melinda Salisbury brought a new angle to Young Adult with this amazing book.

STARRY EYES, by Jenn Bennett. My year was blessed to read TWO novels by her this year. This story completely took my breath away. It made me think a little deeper, want to explore a little further (when I can), and know that not all is at it seems. Set on a camping trip that goes wrong, the two love interests (formerly best friends) are forced to reconsider their past and wonder why they never worked out.

KINGDOM OF ASH, by Sarah J. Maas. My brain is still broken from reading this back in October. This book was Big for me. It was what I labelled as a Life Checkpoint (an entirely different mental health story) and I was blown away by the conclusion SJM gave. It did not disappoint, and when I finished that last page, the end to a series I've been with for five years, I sobbed for a good hour and more. I will forever be thankful for what Sarah J. Maas has given me through her books.

LEGENDARY, by Stephanie Garber. I cannot hype this book up enough! It's a fresh take on YA fantasy. Playing cards, a maze, a game, old gods, MAGIC. I adored Tella and Scarlett and how different they are. Scarlett, the level-headed thinker; Tella, the head-strong player. In the end, both sisters end up playing games of their own, tailored to them. Legendary is the second installment in a trilogy that ends next year, and I'M NOT READY.

_____

To name a few! And most importantly, I hit my Goodreads Reading Challenge for the first time! I'm looking forward to reading so many more uplifting, inspiring books in 2019!

What is Christmas Worth? (A Christmas Short).

Alex woke to a blur of colour, flashing lights, and something scratchy on his face. For a second, he stared outward, letting his eyes adjust. He remained lying down, letting the cold seep into his skin where his pyjama top had ridden up in sleep.

And then it came.

Squealing and shouting, light bickering downstairs already, the sound of greetings. He closed his eyes, taking it all in, and smiled to himself. Then his eyes flew open, registering the difference in his room.

The lights, the scratchiness—turning out to be tinsel, he found, as he sat upright—hadn’t been there yesterday evening when he’d left the house. His bedroom flew open and a young girl with red bows already in her long black hair, dressed in a pale blue nightgown, darted in.

“Alex!” she cried, rushing around his room before he reached out to stop her, grinning. “Do you like it?”

By it, he knew she meant the decoration. He’d been out late visiting friends the night before and his habit of stumbling to his bed in the dark had long set. He hadn’t noticed it then. But now… The little decorated fibre-optic tree—the baubles and tinsel pink—with an angel at the top; the fairy lights running the perimeter of his ceiling; the extra garlands of tinsel draped over every surface she had found.

Sliding out of bed, Alex leaned down and scooped his sister, Rose, in his arms. At only the age of five, she still possessed the magic of Christmas. She still had years yet until all of it died out. For now, that fire of belief blazed brightly. For now, she maintained her part of the Tesley Christmas routine.

“Are Mum and Dad arguing again?” he asked her, sighing dramatically, emphasising his words. “Again?”

Eyes downcast, Rose nodded. She didn’t know it wasn’t a real argument; it had no fire or anger behind it. His parents had come from very different Christmas traditions and despite spending many together now, they still hadn’t found harmony. Rose didn’t know it was only over whether the dinner should be prepped now, or if presents for three children was the first priority.

Alex set Rose down, patting her shoulder. “Go cheer them up, okay? I think everyone could do with a bit of your joy.”

She grinned up at him, one of her teeth missing. She hadn’t put it under her pillow yet; she hadn’t wanted to overshadow Santa by inviting the Tooth Fairy. Her tooth was in a jar, safely waiting for the festive season to be over, before she slipped it beneath her pillow. Watching her bound down the stairs, Alex smiled at the heaps of joy and happiness still living in his little sister. Once her squeals entered the kitchen and he heard the bicker break off, Alex turned towards his other sister.

Triss stood in her own doorway, a bemused smile on her face. “I helped her decorate my room, Al. I helped her. Have you seen it? My room looks like Santa’s goddamn grotto.”

“That’s love, Triss. She loves you the most,” Alex couldn’t help but answer with a smile.

“Oh, really? She spent the entire time talking about all her new ideas for your room.”

Plucking a line of pink tinsel from the inside of his shirt, Alex grimaced. “Maybe I get some extra big brother love.”

Triss laughed quietly and wrapped an arm around his shoulders, pulling him down to the calls of Rose. She screamed about Santa, and look, Triss! He came for you even though you’re old!

Alex nudged Triss, laughing. “Old,” he said.

“Shut up,” she countered, shoving him into the kitchen whilst she sauntered into the living room. Indeed, when he poked his head to see, a pile of presents for Rose, the little girl sat right in the middle of the mound with a grin on her face.

And because he was nineteen and could ask these sorts of things, he looked to his mum—already in her work uniform—and said, “Seriously?”

A blush spread over her cheeks as she shifted under his question. “Santa needed to come through this year.”

Then a curse cut through the kitchen and Alex looked at his dad, already in a three-piece suit, as he always attempted to maintain on Christmas Day. The suit never lasted more than an hour.

This was the Tesley Christmas, as Alex had known it for the past few years: his dad, always spilling coffee on his tie, complaining about changing, but always coming down in the pyjamas Rose left for him on the bed. The crafty little girl had caught on, waited for the bickering to start, and then snuck into their parents’ room to provide a change of clothes. His mum, working early, coming home mid-afternoon, and falling into the pace of the day like she hadn’t missed all the present-opening. Triss, always on her phone to wish her many friends and followers a Merry Christmas. Alex himself, who fretted over Christmas and what he’d bought for his sisters, comparing the gifts he’d bought to everyone else’s. And then Rose, the most unburdened of them all. All she ever complained about was ripping wrapping paper even when their dad encouraged her to tear it all off. That was part of the excitement.

Still, Alex knew things had been different this year. His mum hadn’t had her usual full-time hours; his dad had picked up overtime far beyond humane levels, so the presents not only for Rose but set out for Alex and Triss was a wonder.

A stab of guilt hit him, unbidden and recurring each year.

“Alex,” his mum said, a warning in her voice. “Don’t.”

Don’t worry over money? Now that he was old enough to be more aware? Don’t feel guilty? Don’t feel bad for not being able to give better gifts because he earned a low wage? Don’t, don’t, don’t.

A hand on his shoulder cut his thoughts off. The smell of coffee and cologne swirled together as Alex looked up at his dad. They resembled each other the most, and he found comfort in that, somehow.

“Let’s go see what monstrosities Rose got me to wear this year, shall we?” His dad said, ever the lifeline. His dad, always there to diffuse his mum’s worry-brain, the only thing Alex had inherited from her. Before his dad pulled him from the kitchen, he turned to his mum.

“What time are you leaving?”

Her own brand of guilt flashed across her face. “I’ve set aside particular gifts each for you all to open that I want to see,” she said. “Then I’ll leave.”

Alex looked over her uniform, hating that she couldn’t decline a Christmas Day shift. Yet after the money vacuum Christmas was, she would need all the pay she could get. Alex hated this part of Christmas: the part that came with each year of growing up. Each year giving him more awareness of the behind-the-scenes of Christmas Day.

Still, one look at his sister’s joyful face, that dark cloud broke. He couldn’t help but be brought into her happy orbit.

His dad pulled him along. “So do we think it’s pale blue fluffy pyjamas again, with little clouds on, or do you think she’s gone for a more considerate approach of plaid patterns?”

   

“It’s Rose,” Alex scoffed, “Of course they’re pale blue and fluffy.”

*

In the end, Rose’s three presents set out was a massive unicorn stuffed toy, a Minnie Mouse mirror-and-table set, and a new hairstyling doll.

Triss opened a new planner with so many sections she spent ten minutes going through it all, money for driving lessons, and a new scarf.

And Alex’s was—

He tore off the wrapping paper, stared down at the gift in his lap before looking at his mum. He knew time was tight and she had to go as soon as possible but he couldn’t tell himself to stop. His fingers were numb, holding the piece of paper. Tears shined in his mum’s eyes as his dad looked on with pride.

Alex’s chest tightened as he considered the gift. And then couldn’t help the tears falling down his face.

“What…” he whispered, unable to speak clearly.

“What is it?” Rose called impatiently. She had more presents to open; what was the delay? Clambering over Triss’s lap to reach his side, Rose peered down and audibly tried to read the boldest word.

But Alex knew everything it said—and everything it meant.

“You’ve been talking about it for so long,” his mum said, her voice soft with emotion. “And you’ve been working so hard at your job. We thought we’d help you along.”

In his hands, he held a plane ticket to China. He’d wanted to complete a year at a top culinary school over there next year but even with the funds from his job, he hadn’t been able to afford the travel. And now…

Alex couldn’t breathe evenly enough as he stumbled over to his parents and collapsed into his mum’s arms. After a second, he felt his dad come around to hug him tightly.

“Thank you,” he whispered into his mum’s shoulder. “Thank you both.”

And although that wave of guilt tried to overtake him, he shoved it back. This wasn’t a gift to feel guilty over—this was a gift to be endlessly grateful for. Alex thought of all the nights Rose had spent crying in his room, asking for her dad to read her a bedtime story but he’d been working. He thought of the days he’d seen his mum bit her nails right down when she was declined shift after shift request. And then they’d stuck her with Christmas Day, of all days.

Alex sobbed harder, holding his parents tighter. He wouldn’t have to forfeit anymore. He could progress, better himself, he could—

“What else did you get?” Rose asked, looking around. She still had more presents, as did Triss, but that small piece of paper that meant more than it’s size was all that was in Alex’s corner. And he couldn’t care less.

“I have more than enough,” Alex said softly.

“But Santa didn’t get you more things!” Rose cried, looking up sadly. So Alex sat next to her, showing her the plane ticket.

“See this? This is worth everything to me. This is all I wanted to open, Rose. Santa knew I didn’t need lots of presents this year, only this one.” He caught his dad’s fond expression as he watched them both. Rose, with her wide, imploring eyes; Alex, unable to properly convey what this meant to him.

“Why does Santa want to send you away?” Rose asked, pouting.

Alex pulled her to his side, hugging her tightly. “Because he knows you love me enough to be right here in your heart and mind.”

Whether his little sister understood, he didn’t care. He wanted to teach her that it wasn’t always the amount of presents visually but rather the thought and quality behind them. One plane ticket could be worth more than ten of Rose’s gifts.

He looked around his family, wanting a better New Year for them all. Triss, about to embark on her Master’s degree; Rose, conquering her class and proving she, too, had her dad and elder sister’s academia even at a young age; his mum, finding a new job with better hours; his dad finally realising that love was worth more than money earned.

And Alex… He could go to China, get the education he wanted, and know that when he returned, his family would be waiting.

           

           

A Christmas For Me

As an agoraphobic, Christmas can be daunting. Christmas markets, busy shops, needing to actually leave my house, shopping for presents, cards, and food. There is family to see (which I am actually okay with), there are friends to visit who want to make early festive dinners, as well as general festive activities.

So how do I cope? I stick on a smile, tell myself I'll disappoint others if I don't participate, and go to these things and hope I'll start enjoying myself. Honestly, I end up fairly enjoying myself. My social batteries become drained and charged over and over, which is a tiring process, but that's what happens when you force yourself to go out!

2018's Christmas has been a highly anticipated event in my brain. Since October, I convinced myself I would be better this year. I'd go to the Christmas markets, do clothes/present shopping properly, not fear those busy shops, I'd have lunch at the Cosy Club with my sister. But that's the thing about hindsight: you can plan all these great things because you don't have to face them yet. When that time comes, the anxiety creeps in, whispers in your mind that you can't do it because Whatifwhatifwhatif.

Last year, I celebrated Christmas with a job. I worked on Christmas Eve (complete with a festive jumper), and had Christmas Day off. This year, I don't have that since I quit and got myself away from a toxic work environment. Last year saw my family waiting on contact from someone after a massive bust-up (it never came). Christmas has always been a quiet, close affair in my house but somehow, with each year, it seems a little quieter. Still, my sister, the practical Christmas fairy, brightens the place up. My mum and I smile a little brighter for her sake until those smiles become more genuine. My grandad enjoys his food, his drink, and the company.

Between us all this year, we've kicked out friends, boyfriends, partners, family members, and gained some other special people, whether they're a person to show up, or a message on a phone. Christmas is the time where it truly shows who matters to us. It's who you remember cards for, remember to wrap gifts for, remember to pass on well-wishes for a good new year. Recently, I kind of lost a dear friend to me and I know I'll be thinking of her at Christmas and hope that one day, we can find our way back to a healthy friendship. I'll be thinking of a lot of people I've lost over the years, through different means, but mostly, I'll be focused on those who stay. Those who show their love without boundaries. Those who care and take the time for me.

I write this as I've just realised a present for a special person won't arrive; I've hastily bought last-minute gifts for my sister and Mum because I've had a complex this year that nothing I buy feels good enough to give. It's not enough. Tonight, I'll be assisting my family in the Big Food Shop, as well as buying finishing presents to complete various gifts.

And in three days, I'll wake up with my mum and sister on Christmas morning, spend a moment to wish everyone I've lost well in my mind, and then I need to focus on the present. Those there, those who want to be there. I may not have participated in any Christmas activities this year but at the end of the day, I have people who understand I don't always feel up to it. I can't always contemplate travelling into town, or walking around it. As I look into the looming 2019, all I wish for is to find my own courage and bravery once more. The courage to live a life I want, the bravery to find myself once more.

I'll be posting 1-2 more blogs before the year is up but for now, Merry Christmas to you all! I hope you all get what you wish out of the festive season this year.

TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN - Review

Author: John Green

Star Rating: 4*

Goodreads Link

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve read a John Green novel. I’m sure my last read of his was Paper Towns, back in 2015. I have a habit of falling a little behind when it comes to his newest novels. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN was a hyped book I had been eager to read for months, waiting for the UK paperback to come out.

And I was not disappointed, as John Green has never disappointed with his books. TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN has the accurate anxiety representation I needed, and wanted, to read. It has the spiral-thoughts process, the overthinking, the worry, the rift it can cause in friendships. And he has a way of threading this through a story without making the anxious protagonist go pity-party or become annoying through her thoughts.

Aza is the paranoid overthinker I needed to read about at this current time in my life. She spends half the book wondering if a kiss could give her C-diff, or if a tiny cut will become infected and kill her. I’ve never related so hard with a character in a while. When she and her best friend embark on a mission to find Aza’s (kind of) boyfriend’s runaway billionaire father, Aza soon finds she’s not just in it for the monetary reward. As Aza and Davis grow closer, Aza’s anxiety pulls her deeper into dangerous depths as she starts to consider all that comes with relationships.

Reading this book felt like a safety blanket, of sorts. As an anxious thinker, and as someone who panics over a scratch, as someone who shares very similar thought-patterns to Aza, reading this book was pure comfort. It made me feel a little less crazy and alone.

There’s a part in the book that every anxious friend worries about: their worth and impact on others’ lives. Aza and her best friend have a massive argument centred around Aza’s anxiety and personality. Daisy makes Aza the villain when in actuality, she’s the victim of her own mental health. It was hard to read in all its painful truth, and things Daisy says can really be taken to heart and applied to more than just characters on a page. Aza finds it in her to forgive both her friend and herself—a thing I wouldn’t be entirely sure I could do so quickly. It’s not everyday you can go back to normal with a friend who calls you exhausting to be around.

TURTLES ALL THE WAY DOWN shows the darkest moments of compulsive thoughts and anxiety, but it also shows that in rare moments, all of that can be overcome and light can crack through the storm of spiral thoughts. Davis, a deep thinker, is the perfect balance to Aza’s own thoughts, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading all the thought processes that go on in this novel. It’s definitely on my reread pile.

Shane's Book of the Month - November

November was a strange month for me. I quit my job I'd been at for eleven months. I had an abundance of hospital appointments. I kept thinking Christmas was a week away rather than a whole month. I didn't quite know what day of the week it was.

I only read two books in November, and I adored them both. I took my time with each, absorbing the story in short sittings, unable to rush through any of the stories told.

1. Kingdom of Ash by Sarah J. Maas

2. Turtles All the Way Down by John Green

And my Book of the Month is KINGDOM OF ASH.

The Throne of Glass series holds a very special place in my heart. I've been with it for five years--five very long turbulent years--and that's why I had to choose it. I've never been able to pitch fantasy and contemporary YA books against each other but I'm doing a review on TURTLES very soon!

So. The final, epic book to conclude an eight-book series. KINGDOM OF ASH broke me apart and put me together with each paragraph. Each day and emotion and character told in the story filled my heart with both joy and dread. Every page felt like a ticking time bomb, wondering who would make it to the end. I had my own thoughts of who wouldn't survive, and none of that happened.

What did happen was how much I got taken off-guard with the book Sarah gave us for this brilliant final battle.

Spanning over several countries, groups, and missions, KINGDOM OF ASH shows five different armies, all fighting in their own way. My favourite, by far, was reading about Manon and her Thirteen. Yes, I wanted to know if Aelin survived the ending she got in EMPIRE OF STORMS and that broke me in ways I can never describe about a fictional character, but I adore Manon Blackbeak. Her story is so important, so moving. I can talk for days and days about Aelin's character growth but to talk about Manon is such an under-appreciated thing in this fandom. Manon is my favourite female in the series and she played a very integral part in the conclusion. So when her own tragedies befell her in the book, I wept and wept. Manon fought for everything with all she possessed and both lost and won it all.

The past eight books (including the two spin-off novella stories of ASSASSIN'S BLADE and TOWER OF DAWN) have taught me so much. Each character represented a trait I wished I could adopt for myself. The books have taught me strength, openness, fierce loyalty, determination, and how to keep hold of a thought--a concept--when you can't put it into action. Aelin suffered in darkness, knowing what she fought for even if it wasn't in reach, and that taught me a great deal. The Cadre, the Thirteen, the Original Three, the Bane, and the Rebels all brought so much joy and pain. A clash of light and darkness, KINGDOM OF ASH was truly the final book I wanted, and more.

It's hard to let go of something that's been there through so much and yet I have. The Throne of Glass series feels like a friend I can let go of, a friend I can look back on fondly after having learnt a great deal from. I read THRONE OF GLASS back in August 2013, when I was still in high school. Two months prior, everything had come out in the open about a bad place I was in back then. I needed putting back together after what felt like my entire life had unravelled. What I struggled with back then was a release for me, a bad coping mechanism when the world was too painful and loud. It only silenced when I fell into THRONE OF GLASS. Since, I've made and lost best friends, I've harbored unrequited love, I've studied in college and finished with a decent grade, tried my hand at university, got different jobs, been home-bound due to anxiety and mental health. I've seen beautiful countries, seen a million sunsets, and felt so much it's overwhelming.

Not only did finishing this series put to rest those characters but it forced me to reflect on myself. I don't feel as though I've grown as a person or become a better me at all, but to look back and smile at all these years, brought me to tears. It made me breakdown in a very strange way.

I will always be grateful and loving towards this gift Sarah J. Maas has given me.

A New Blog Set-Up

It's come to my attention that I like blogging but I don't do it very much. A lot of attributes to that is sitting at my laptop, pondering what I'm writing, and thinking, "Do you people really care?"

Here's the answer:

They might not but I can still write out into the world anyway.

I could be the best writer, or the worst writer, and people still may not care. Why? They might genuinely not care what I'm reading/thinking/writing, or they just don't have the time. Which is all fine! I just felt like that kept hindering my motivation to blog as much as I'd like.

Looking back on past book reviews, I saw a lack of structure. A lack of discipline to how I wrote them. For one, they were going on about three-four pages long. Nobody wants to read a review that long, I imagine, unless they are genuinely interested.

For now, I want to write a book review at least once a month, starting this month. On top of that, I'll be doing Shane's Book of the Month. I might review other things but for now, I'm sticking to what I know in books. I'll also be editing some of past reviews so look out for them! The BotM will be posted on the last day of the month (save for November's, which is going up today), and any reviews will be a Sunday!

If you have anything in particular you'd like to see me write about, holler at me over at @ShaneDReid or email me at shanedorian98@gmail.com!